Change is something which is constant. So many things have transformed in past 20 years. I am no longer The Kid who would wait for Dad to get sweets from the local market on first of the month, as the salary has arrived. There were two new dresses per year for sure, one for Pongal and one for birthday. There were two vacations per year, and The only place to visit was grandmothers village. Vacation was the time when all the cousins met. So much was shared, from the school tales, crushes, puberty, friends, movies to what not?. All would rolls under one single big blanket and talk all night in secret hush hush tones. All were given oil bath in an order, Had our lunch fed by one of the aunts or senior most cousin. Eating from same plate was so much fun. the dresses were passed on from the elder cousin to younger. same age cousins exchanged the dresses. All days and nights went by listening to grandma’s stories and getting scolding from grandfather for our mischievous acts. All ate homemade savories made by all aunts and played in sun and rain till we got tired. though we knew that we would all meet the next vacation, tears rolled down when each of us had to go back to our respective towns. there was love, care and bonding. things were limited, but there happiness was unlimited.
the only mantra was, we got our grandparents love, stayed connected as a family and we never minded sharing joy or sorrow.
things have changed. I am not a stay at home mother. I work for my passion and keep telling the I am working to give a better standard of living for my kids. I don’t have so much of time. Really?? (working mother- are we echoing our thoughts??)
Most of the days the child is all by herself. the time we spend with each other is less. even in the limited period, most goes in doing homework, activity class( swimming, dancing, painting). At times, we parents to do our pending tasks give gadgets to kids to keep them occupied till the work is done.
Today my kids get everything they want, from food, toys to designer clothes. But they don’t get the value of it. neither they use all of the things nor give it to others. They just need anything they want immediately. It more a demand than request. I observed that today’s kids want toys, what to play with friends but are not ready to share. They don’t want to talk to their cousins( sometimes they don’t even have one). they want everything to be theirs and their personal , let it be a TV in their room, bed,toys, at times even bathroom.
It makes me wonder, where did I go wrong in parenting? when I checked with my cousins, I realised that it’s just not my kids, all the kids are behaving almost the same.
the major culprit seems to be technology and its advancement. everybody wants to make friendship with mobile, tablet, laptop or television but not with human beings. we are not there with each other when required.
childhood, a part of life that creates memories.
Incidentally few months back, I was at my mothers place for the second Child’s delivery. it’s a small town without theaters or malls and less of internet activity. it’s a place with parks and beach. throughout my stay, I saw my daughter playing in park, going for a walk to beach on evenings. She went to temples with her grandmother, attended various kinds of functions( golu/navaratri/diwali/birthdays/anniversary’s etc). She started playing with neighbor’s kids, learnt new language. She would go out with neighbors daughter to pluck flowers. she had food from her grandmothers hands everyday in neighbors garden. I realised that she had more food when she was fed by her grandmother, who used to feed my sister alternatively. ( say it competition with her aunt. ) . she was ready to learn new language and share her way of schooling with neighbors. she got love from all her grandmothers friends, who readily gave her toys of their grandchildren for her to play with. she slept long hours, never complained of not getting sleep . she bonded well with her grandparents.
I think in this busy life of mine i cannot do so many things at a time. I can spend time with my kids, but might not be able to teach her value of life . I might make dishes of their choice, but can take them around everyday to feed them. I might tell them stories at night, but might not give understand their views on it. I might teach them to do gardening, dancing, singing, but its always a solo performance. I want my kids to mingle with other kids,share their toys, thoughts and love.
then I made a point to take my daughter to her grandparents house twice a year. I want her to relive the moments I cherish today. I want her to learn to share and care for others. I want her to get her grandparents love. I want her to mingle with human beings not be a technology savvy.
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