Pregnancy hormones..


I feel like writing a lot about what’s happening in my life, but somehow it’s not happening. maybe I should say that I have become more lazy with the second baby. ok, now I need to give a name for the second one, hmmm.. Chunty?? sounds matching to Bunty na.. its an obsession, can change it.

I should admit that I am being little careless with Chunty or after taking care of Bunty and office, I dont seem to have any energy for Chunty. I keep forgetting to take my folic acid, or nausea pills.  I just puke out everything after every meal. I don’t remember how it was during BUnty time. weird na, yes I don’t remember how it was.  What I remember is ,I used to be hungry always. My temper was bad.  This time I dont feel like having any food. Best part is I am no more hygiene conscious. I eat the road side pani-puri before going home, rely on Amul Badam milk. Yup dont have energy to cook anything after going home, so I have something outside and then go home.

Another Big thing I realised is, it’s not easy to have second baby with a toddler around. So many things we do, though we are not supposed to do. like carrying the toddler around. Sleeping next to them, realise the mistake only after they kick us in sleep. though you want to sleep after going home from work, it’s not possible as the First one is eagerly waiting for you to do the Homework and you also need to run around to feed the toddler.

Suddenly at home there is pressure to have a Boy baby, as though it’s in my hands. it’s all just because I already have a girl baby. What is their problem I don’t understand. MIL is praying to all possible God for a grandson. Best part is even after all that she doesnt take care of me. She still expect me to be normal and do all my regular house works.

Hormones are making me think all weird. Suddenly I feel hubby doesnt care for me anymore.( he is busy with new project and new office). but still he has to talk to me and ask about my health right?. He is not doing it. the same hubby took “work from home” option during BUnty time, he used to cut all fruits and pack it for me. Now all that is gone. he calls to check on his parents and his daughter and not me.  It is making me feel little lonely. He should ask about my nausea, monthly check ups and diet na.  How can he just ignore just because it’s my second time??

I am tired so soon, Just praying God that this phase runs quickly. But totally worried how would I take care of Bunty and Chunty alone.. :(.  happy that I would take 6 months leave and go to my parents place. :).

Debit Vs Credit


First let me quote few examples:

Person A: He saves all the money in his PF account. He would buy grocery in minimum. say, only 1/2 kg sugar. when his wife say its over, he would take his bike and go to the nearest shop and buy it. basically they dont buy and store anything. He doesnt believe in Hight-fi schools. He would join the kids in near by school, he will do the teaching part after going back home.

He saved for 12 years, and then borrowed little money from brothers and father without interest and bought a 2 bedroom house. Yes, he didnt take any loan. he bought a house in his budget and he says he would do the interiors when he has money.

Person B: This person is habituated to using credit card and loans. So, he bought a house as soon as he got a job. He took loans from private bank as they were also giving a top loan and person loan with house loan. He bought a 3 bedroom house in same floor as Person A.  he manages house on credit basis only. i.e, he would shop for thing and stock it up, buy cloths and gadgets in EMI schemes. but ya, he is regular in paying all his bill, but he has NO savings.

Now, both A and B are there. A had to forgo so many So called luxury, wait till he has all money to buy the house. But B, thought he is really young, managed to buy a house, but its in loan. B is enjoying the  life without saving, but has everything. A waited to fulfill his desires one by one.

whom do u think is really smart??  its always a question in my mind. Is it good to buy things In EMI schemes??

Television: Me, sister and Bunty.


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There were days when I used to completely love watching TV. I was not bothered if it was a board exam next day. Let me explain.

Age gap between me and my sister is 10 years. So, when I was 15 and giving my board exam, she was just 5 years old, studying UKG. She never used to let me study. So my parents used to take her out in evenings, so I would get some time to study and come back my 9 pm. They trusted me and wanted me to study well for my exams. But what did I do? I used to watch the new released movie in cable TV. those days all the Cds used to come with subtitles. So I used to Mute the volume and watch it. I used to know our TVS Lil champ sound. So, I used to put back the same channel which my were watching when they left and go inside my room. I was conscious not to switch on the fan. yes, if I switch it off, then they will know that I was in living room right.

one of such days, they were screening Mohabatein. being hard core fan of SRK, I could give the movie a miss even though I had math’s exam next day. when my parents came back, I was all emotional. had to get into to the toilet to cry out.

then when it was my sisters turn, she was more open. she used to say, she need break. she used come out and watch a  movie. yes it used to 3 hours break and then get back to her studies.

now, why am I saying these days?? here is the actual saga.

we were watching tangled movie with Bunty. I changed the channel when there was a Kissing scene. But the remote being little slow, the channel switched to next one only after the kissing scene started. Bunty stopped me .

Bunty: Why are you changing?

me: I wanted to see what is coming in next channel

Bunty: But I want to see the kissing scene.

Me: what? I want to see that only. ( and she started crying)

MIL came in between asking what happened. I couldn’t explain. After some time, Bunty came to me asked if she can kiss me. when I said yes, and showed her my cheeks, she said, NO Not there. I am not sure what happened, may be the little one understand my shocked face and kissed me on my nose and went away.

so my dear mommy bloggers, did this happen to you? how do you mange?? It’s ok if she kisses me on my lips, But I don’t want her to do it with everyone.. 

Mixed bag- 2013


Somehow, I didn’t like 2013.. The year seemed to take me in a loss. Either it was losing loved ones or self confidence.

I wrote so many post on my preparation for interview and exam for two companies. my bad luck is that, they wanted only fresher’s. I didnt fit in their requirement. Not clearing an written exam really pulled down my confidence. with 5 years of experience, I couldn’t compete with youngsters. May be they are still fresh with book knowledge, which I might lack. Whatever it was,  I was lost.. It took me so many months and days to recover.

On positive side, I bought a new car. Bunty started going to school. Attended one of my Best friend’s wedding. Read so many books and reviewed them. Won few contests. Did some long pending shopping. Over all, it was a balanced year.

Note: got the first scratch on the car even before getting it registered. :(.  I have not added the car pic, in case I don’t get any post for the blogathon, I can add the pic one day. 🙂

Midnight craving..


contesttastykhana

me: i want to eat something sweet.

him: will get you tomorrow morning dear..

me: no i need it right now.

him: ???????

me: our little baby wants it..

him: ok, let me check what is there in kitchen.

me: no much.. just the bread has to be used before tomorrow

him: hmmm.. let me see, what best can be done with that??

after 10 min..

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Bread jamun.. wow.. i never had such a nice sweet in my life till now.. little chewy, but not as sweet as jamun.. mild and nice.. really nice..

tummy kush, mummy be kush..

him: time to sleep baby…

me: i feel like..

him: guurrrrrrrrr.. snoring…

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My Doodle recipe is a part of Easy Doodle Recipe contest at BlogAdda.com in association with TastyKhana.com

Yes i have Smart Suraksha with me and My daughter her


There are so many families in India who just don’t embrace the birth of a female child. let it educated, un-educated, rich-poor, its all the same feel when its comes to this particular aspect. this happened with me too. when my father was not ready to accept me when I was born, as I was a FEMALE, I wish I had smart Suraksha with me to tell him, there is no difference between a girl child and boy child except for the genitals. Though i am still surviving they had a wish to have a SON. that is why i wanted a Suraksha, a self realisation app which can change the mindset of the parents, the minute the button is pressed.

Almost every girl in this world get abused sexually. the severity of the case changes with the person and situations. I was too a victim not once or twice, but for so many years as i was not educated about sexual abuse or child abuse. when I was being touched inappropriately by peon in the school or relative, I wish there was smart Suraksha with me which would send message to my parents, school principal and the teachers and helped me from so many traumatic nights.  yes, I belong to era where openly talking about such things to parents is forbidden. if pressing a button could do it, I wish I had it then.

Sending girls fir higher studies itself is question mark in so many families.  fighting and getting admission in a good college was a great challenge. finally i managed to  get admission in a prestigious university. Still, how many every degree’s a man gets, his physical need and development is more than his mental or knowledge development. when I was in college, there were so many people on the campus road teasing every women crossing the road. the comments invariable used to made me  cry.  especially when those guys goings on triples come so close to scare me, and half the time they succeeded in touching. most of the times, I didn’t even know the culprit to complain, as they hide their faces under the helmet.  I wish there was smart Suraksha with me, which would send message to police station, dean and automatically debar them from college. I was scared of telling this at home, as that would be invariably stopping me from studying further.

Most of the women are sent for work for better earning to the family and finding a better groom in the market. I was also sent to work for the same reason. not that my family survived because of my income. because i had to save for my wedding. I managed to get placed in a good company. when I was at work, there were few higher officials who use to stand behind me in the name of monitoring my work, looked directly into my dress.  Any amount of layers of cloths didn’t protect me from their X-ray eyes.when I try to get up, he would hold my hand and move the computer mouse in the name of checking the document. I wish there was smart Suraksha with me, which would send message to his family ( as they need to know about him)and the CEO of company. yes I was helpless in spite of being capable of handling the situation as the person who misbehaves himself is the in charge of  women grievance in office.

when I was of marriageable age( according to my parent), so many came and saw me as a product in display for buying. few told i was shirt, few felt i was dark, few wanted me to quit work after marriage ,few dared to ask my past indirectly trying to find out about my virginity. I wish there was smart Suraksha with me, which would send message to his and my parents, showing the true nature of their children. though we call ourselves a developing country, our country will never develop with such people and their mentality.

there are so many incidents in which i could have used the smart suraksha in past… So many people fought for women rights and safety in past, so many are doing now. through out only one thing is constant, ” Women safety is always at stake”. May be always their is dependency.

now that I have a daughter of my own, I no more wish I had smart Suraksha with me. as I will be having one to ensure that she is always safe. even if she is not able to communicate with me, I want to ensure that she can reach me any time when she needs me. I need to teach her not depend on others for their approval at any stage of her life. she needs to decide what is right for her. if a person touches her, if she is capable of hitting him back, i will teach her to do that.  that would be SELF SURAKSHA. if a knowledge going to help her, remove the barriers in society, i will teach her the SURAKHSA knowledge.  if she is being abused at later stage, i will teach her the SURAKHSA confidence to move ahead in life( work or partner) . when she is really in need and cant fight herself, then i would give her the Smart Suraksha App. The weapon which would definately save her, when she is in need and cant fight by helrself anymore.

I am participating in the Seeking Smart Suraksha contest at BlogAdda.com in association with Smart Suraksha App

a silly book and its effect on me??


To get out of various tensions in life, i have started reading “fifty shades of grey”.I read few pages first, then thought it was distracting before the interview preparation and stopped reading it. i lend the book to my other colleague. now that i have nothing else to read, i came back to this book. in fact i made him come home and give me back the book.

reading few pages, i am back in dilemma. did i make mistake by lending him this book without reading it first? or did i make mistake in telling him, i need a proper break, don’t want philosophy but only THIS book? i knew it was a erotica, but what did I do?? i am just wondering will this have implication on my relationship with him? like other books will he be discussing this also to me??:P( though i secretly wish he does, to know how a boss thinks :))

coming back to the book. still i am halfway through it. should i confess that this book is master of Kamasutra?? now don’t expect any pictures or photos ok.. i mean the contents wise. a true knowledge giving book. you can find everything about sex in this book. you don’t have to hide and Google in internet. every word connected to it is there in this book. thought i am finding it odd to use them or write it in the blogpost.

this book has two main characters. i will do the actual book review later when i am done with the book. just two main characters, Mr.Grey and Ms.Steel. Rich successful man is behind a student for a short-time relationship. which doesn’t involve lovemaking but just F***ing. she has to sign a contract for this, which has too many clauses and conditions.

something in this book making me so vulnerable. is the book written so well that i am getting carried away? or is this to with my state of mind? what is it? i am enjoying reading every page of the book, yet getting disturbed? too confusing?? on top of it, I lend this book to boss?? his has read it first, and gave it back with a smile. now whenever i see him, i am not able to look at his eyes, as i know he has read the book. stupid me, i am recollecting few lines of the book, blush in between my work. what if somebody asks me what is it all about?? i am so carried away by the book that i get up little early to read few pages, read it when i am waiting for my boss to come to pick me up. i got so involved that i stopped talking to people around me or on phone( yes even with hubby its just few lines). my mind is all occupied with Mr.Grey. now I am also feeling sad that the book is going to come to an end. oh yes, it’s a trilogy. but that too has an end na..

people pray for me. i need to stay normal. I want to come out these stupid emotions and come back to myself. yes i wish for Mr.Grey, but i don’t want to search for him now( he he he). :).

My first video entry:


ok people, go call me crazy, here my attempt to take video with help of my colleagues.  i have tried to put two french plaits, making center partition. end result, it would look like a heart in the centre with french plait framing the shape.  look at the pictures for how it looks. last minute entry.22heart-braid

here is the link: http://youtu.be/CNXVH4L4Zg4

This post is an entry for TRESemme Ramp Ready Hair! 
For know more of simple and yet gorgeous DIY hairdos visit TRESemme.

note: ur guess is right, the model is Ms.Young, and it is taken in office restroom. 🙂

Profit or Loss??


I wish to get my story published in Chicken Soup for the Indian Entrepreneurs Soul in association with BlogAdda.com

Few months after I my marriage, i realized that my life is under mess. Me and my husband had to repay too many loans. My husband was not ready to tell me the details. He just said, “ Don’t count my salary for household expenses, run the house in single salary ”. The one thought which struck me was, “ what if I had not been working?”. Still I waited for him to open up. Few more months passed, I became pregnant. House expenses raised. Due promotion missed him, putting us in more pain. To pay back a loan with high interest rate, I had to take a loan in my name for the first time. Staying away from husband for the job, running around banks with a growing child inside me, made me cry day and night.

I thought everything will be under control as I am going to my parents place for my baby’s  birth. I was going to live there for more than 7-8 months. Mean while I would get increments, so can manage with my salary and all the savings when I will return. But my parents constant pressure of buying  a property irritated me. How do I tell them that even after earning a six digit salary, me and my hubby are under a financial crisis, and I don’t know the reason for the same.

Finally the secret was revealed. He with his best friends have opened a software company a year ago. They all had taken loans and invested on the infrastructure.  Initially the company went on well, they developed few softwares and earned a nice amount. My Brother-in-law who got selected for American embassy, got fascinated by this software company and didn’t accept his offer letter. Brother-in-law became the in-charge of the company. Rest of the partners went ahead with their regular jobs. None of them turned back to look at the company. Slowly the recession started. They didn’t get any project. All of them had to put extra money from their pocket to pay the electricity bills, rent and staff salary. The burden hit all. Mean while our wedding was fixed, so hubby had to take another loan for the wedding expenses. For so many things, his salary was not sufficient which increased the pressure on me. I had to work till last to compensate the expenses.

Problem was simple, all the partners lost interest in the company. Each one got an onsite offer, and moved on with their lives and paying back loans was easier for them. My family, me, hubby and Brother-in-law were caught with the dilemma of running or closing the company.Brother-in-law was not paid any salary. So, that meant we had to pay for his expenses too. Every week video conferencing of the partners slowly reduced with their own family priorities. My peace of mind was lost in the whole process.

Finally the infrastructure and prime location of the company came to rescue. We sublet half the premises for a testing centre. The testing centre needed a computer administrator for the operation for which Brother-in-law fitted in. Testing centre took care of the salary of Brother-in-law, rent and the electricity bill. Luckily it was a gain from the drain. Atleast we didn’t have to shell out extra money from our pocket every month.  I realized that any amount of talking, arguing or crying is going to change my husbands or his partner’s way of looking at their business.

All the partners seem to have a job in hand which pays them well. This software company is laid side track, and they have lost the interest in very early stage of it. They don’t want to take risk by leaving their present jobs and hunt for new projects. They have got used to their lavish lifestyles( expect my family), so its difficult for them to sustain the pressure of financial crisis. The location of their current jobs, each of them is literally staying in different countries. Communication and staying connected is also becoming a trouble. The company is still there for namesake without much of development.

Starting a business is not a big deal; people should also have the stamina and willpower to run it. Incase one partner is not ready or accepting the advancement, other should convince or get convinced. the fire to run, the goal to achieve, targets should be clear. With every hurdle, a new solution should be found, dream should become bigger. Running away is not a solution . entrepreneur is true fighter.   

Create or destroy- power of MIL.


Before I write anything , let me confess its stupid me who has given her rights to play with my emotions, or I have still no excelled the art of ignoring. The one and only reason being “Bunty”.

Now that hubby is returning back to India, I am not sure if I need to be happy or sad. I know I am thinking too much, but I can’t stop myself from foreseeing the trouble which would come when hubby is going to stay with us.

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I think a couple shares the responsibility of sharing the work in household. But in my case as I am away from hubby, need to mange everything.

I have to do regular stuff like others, paying bills( rent, milk wala, electricity, internet, landline, mobile, cable, watchman etc etc), buying grocery, cooking and cleaning the house. I also run behind banks, finding the best interest rates, taking loans, repaying them, discussing about it with hubby. I need to save, buy gold, property, and make investments in short. I need to think of tax savings, policy’s, premiums too. I need to keep track of Bunty’s health, vaccinations, regular check-ups.  In between had to learn driving as I couldn’t run, share autos, or take buses. I had to go and visit so many secondhand car dealers, see cars, bargain, take them to car technicians and finally bought one. As if all this is not enough, take MIL and Bunty out on every weekend, to park, mall or exhibition or anything they demand.

I have to cook. Mil had stopped cooking long back. I make a breakfast( proper south indian onces like idili, dosa, pongal, upma etc etc),chutney, dry curry, rasam, dal everyday. I also make sure I give something extra to eat every day. Say sweet potato, sprouts, or fruits and fresh home made juice.

I also work at office. i.e. deadlines, discussions and being an Architect I am asked to be creative. This drains half my energy.  keep in touch with ex-colleagues, remember b’days and wish all, send cards etc etc.

Once back home, cook rice for Bunty, and make tiffin for MIL and me. Feed Bunty, play with her, read stories for her,at times even give her bath . finally put her to sleep. And the routine follows. ( cant imagine doing homework with her when she goes to school).

Doing all these doesn’t pain me. The only things hurts me is after I all these, even if I don’t get appreciation, I don’t feel bad. But MIL complains to hubby that I am not taking care of her, and he stays countries away and scolds me on phone without knowing the truth. I feel hurt.

I don’t mind her telling around people, that she takes good care of her Bunty, does everything and forced to stay away from Chennai because of my work , and bitch about me as I am her DIL etc etc. I am hurt when she blackmails that she would leave me and go if I don’t treat her properly.

I don’t mind getting up extra hour before or sleeping an hour late and cleaning things when maids don’t turn up, or save extra money and buy her saree instead of buying something for me. I am hurt when she says that her son would leave me if she tells the truth about me( god only knows what is that). I am hurt that, after all I do everything, she keeps telling people that I treat her like maid.

Please someone tell me, what else I need to do, to make this DIL-MIL relation work?

Now that I have poured my heart, I am feeling light. What else to do, when my own ego stops me from crying.