updates for last post..


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the one with red dupatta is me.. it was during my previous office annual day celebration. and that’s the kind of sketches i make.. mostly faceless too.. :). i always believed in exclamatory mark.  they were must in my drawings those days.. the line representing the cleavage and the dot representing the navel.

good old days, when i had fans for my drawing.. friends requesting me not to draw anything when i borrow their books,  boys feeling embarrassed if i drew something on their drawing boards, professors warning me to stop sketching on college walls, as they could identify my sketching style.  seniors betting with me for sketching the most sexy figure, with minimum cloths, yet not vulgar. he he he.. yes we did have such bets in architecture colleges.. guess what i won.. :)..

god only knows what Bunty is going draw.. all my sketch books are deep under the draw, as my hubby has warned me not to give shocks to his parents. :(. so now i am waiting for a day when i would be alone, and get back to myself.. call myself an artist.. learn dancing with Bunty and give performances with her.  i feel like Chanadramuki ( ol Bhulaiyaa-Manjulika) when i feel my dance jewellery and look at those make-up items..

TURNING 27..


Yes, finally after the THALA Rajinikanth’s b’day, its mine.. after hearing to 12-12-12 hangama, I am feeling bad that there will be no 13-13-13.. L. I was born on Friday the 13th. So neither I nor anyone in my family feels 13 as unlucky. Its always a lucky number for me..

Ok, let me think what good can I write on this day? Something about me?? if I write 27 things, it would become to long a list.. so let me write just 13 things about me…

  1. No identity girl. Illiterate by definition of literacy.  Let me explain, born in Andhra Pradesh, brought up in Chennai. So, I know to talk both the languages and cant read or write both. So, I belong to both and not fully.
  2. Aspiring fashion designer turned into architect. But Bunty has picked up a better dressing sense than me. J
  3. An elder sister turned out to be  a parent than a sibling to younger sister because of the age gap. Yes, there is 10 solid years of difference.
  4. A person who always wanted a daughter, and luckily has one.
  5. An artist, who likes to draw only women, makes sure that the pictures has something or the other little revealing.
  6. A small semi-classical dancer, who loves dancing and giving stage performances. Still feels butterflies running in her stomach, before every performance.
  7. A bad cook. Any dish prepared for first time, comes out really well, but when tried next time, its always a mess.
  8. Spendthrift. Any amount of money you give me, I can spend it all buying toys and things for my daughter.
  9. Cry baby. Can become emotional reading a book or watching a movie.
  10. A person who has lived more with MIL than Hubby. And has a relationship just running on phone conversation and skype.
  11. A person who can pick up fight for bad costumer service, and ends up shouting at some one or the other when we go out.
  12. A person trying to take all the burden all alone, in spite of other offering help, as she wouldn’t get satisfied with others selection or way of doing things.
  13. A person who plans for everybody’s b’day. But gets back no wishing from others on her b’day.

Yes, bunty was not ready to wish me.. Instead she was telling everybody around  happy b’day, hubby didn’t send any gift, as the courier charge is more than the actual gift cost. So he wants to give me when we meet. That means no gift this year.. L. and not me.. and stupid bosses are coming from head quarters, so in office, trying to do last minute work.:(.

Only one good thing happened is dad , who has come here to vizag for my b’day. He got me 3 dresses and jeans. I was feeling bad for my increase in hip size, but happy that got a perfect fitting one.

So, let me wish myself.. happy b’day.

Pendrive that put me on guilt.


This post is a part of the contest at BlogAdda.com in association with Badhai.in

“one gift shopping experience that drove you crazy?

This is an incident which I wanted to write for very long time. But always forgot. Thanks to Blogadda for making me remember the crazy incident and making me document it in form of post, and record it in my space.

It was already 25th of the month. Money had to be collected and gifts had to be bought. I was trying hard to concentrate on work. But somehow, the background thoughts were filled in party mood. This time, it was my boss birthday and best friends too. This excited me more. But I also had doubts in my mind, regarding my capability to host such a big party. We were expecting 40 people. The venue was fixed. The collections were in progress. Thank god, I didn’t take up the duty of going and collecting money from each staff. People dropped promptly by 25th, and gave in the money.

It was 27th, and I had not decided the menu. I was clueless on the amount to be spent on “snacks Vs gifts”.  I made my choice of making it 50-50 each. Which meant I had money only for cake and tea?  But I thought, I could save some money in gift and arrange at least some chips with it.

This meant I had to buy gift sooner. Going shopping in Bangalore traffic without a personal two wheeler was really tiresome. It was just not two gist I had to buy, but 5. 4+1(special gift). I was cursing the person who introduced this great idea of celebrating group b’day. i.e celebration of b’days of people of that month together on last working day of the month.  This month’s list included one young girl, one lady boss, one male manager, one helper. Though it was great idea, buying gift for all categories, according to their taste and more importantly within the budget was quite a task.

I was confident that the girl would like the handbags sold on commercial street platform, but didn’t know if the lady boss would like the funky stuff. Wanted to gift the managers a parker pen, but would the illiterate helper treasure it? So so many doubts. I literally took two days wandering on commercial street, garuda mall, chikpet ,central , Gandhi bazaar. But everything was in vain. The best thing is that, if I finalize on something, my friends wouldn’t agree on it.

It was already 30th, but everything was pending just because I had not bought the gifts. Only after the gifts are bought, the rest of the money could be used to buying cake. Thanks to bakery’s which were ready to give me cake on 5 hours notice, but that would restrict my choice of flavors.

I was almost on tears. Just then somebody gave this idea of gift vouchers. But again, that means I was giving people a limited choice. I had no time, had only two choices. I had to buy gift voucher from garuda mall, which was near by office. Which means, I could get either Westside voucher /shopper stop /fab india.  But again, was worried if everybody would like it. There were online offers. But it means more shipping time. Buy one get one offers didn’t work as we were supposed to buy only 5 gifts.

So I ended up buying pen-drives for all. Rest of the money was used to get cake, chips, tea and samosa. I did cost cutting by ordering just one cake instead of 5.

The party started. To my horror, one of the b’day  guy( the manager) had the same pendrive hung around his neck.  The cake cutting and snacks distribution went on well. Then the gift disturbing started. I handed over the packet to the office head. He weight it and said,” it looks small for a gift”. I just controlled my anger inside. He started calling everybody’s names. I was again shocked to hear my name in the list. The HR mockingly said, we wanted you to know the “pain of receiving the gift”. (Though it was uttered jokingly, it hurt me a lot). It made sense, for me the pendrive was a waste as I already had 3 with me, one of the same brand and colour. The gift didn’t make sense to the helper too. The manager already possessed one, and for others, pendrives were banned in office.  I did a mistake of just buying a gift, which was decided on haste, lack of time and patience. It was a bigger mistake as it involved everybody’s’ money for which I am answerable.

That is when I realized the importance of gifting right thing, to right person and right time too.

So people don’t make mistake like me, but check on this.

So people put in your best efforts for the right gift. This time the recipients are going to like it. No more of gift wastage or recycling, but its just enjoying the gift.

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The best part is that the person who receives the gift voucher gets the choice to use his gift amount at the choice of his brand.

PS. I was given pendrive, as that was my last day in that office.  I left the company for good, and with a good lesson on gifting.

women thinking aloud of SEX…


I wish someone told me, it ok be a women and think about Sex and changing partner openly without being called as a slut or a whore.

How I wish I could too express the desire to look at men, the way they (men) look at women and fantasize cuddling together. Why is it wrong when a woman expresses her interest openly?

I look at both the sexes as same. Both have the urge and need to get satisfied physically. But somehow one gender has overtaken the other, where man sexual desire is taken for granted and women’ is not. Shouldn’t I being a woman think of it aloud and demand?

I always heard and understood that any physical relation, when it is not official (mean sex without marriage as a license) the first move is always by women.  I also hear and read a lot that, it is very difficult to satisfy as women’s urge and only they are capable of multiple orgasms. Girls are the only ones who get to know partially about sex from home, even at a tender age of 8 in name of sex education or awareness against abuse or by talk about puberty.

Still it is always a strict no-no when it comes to open talk about sex. Why is that when ever women wants to share a joke with has anything attached to sex or organs or orgasm is still a taboo.  Where women just chuckle, smile or give that rude “dare you” looks and move out of the circle.

I see one group talking about equality, In women and men, but can’t accept that fact that women too can say,” I would like to sleep with this guy”.

Why is that I see captions on T-shirts saying, 99% of men masturbate and rest 1% lie. Why even a freedom like self satisfaction accepted only one gender?

Now I know many of you guys would ask me,” who stopped you?”.

The answer is nobody has stopped me or any other female for that matter. Nor can anyone stop me if I really want to. But will such women be respected in our Indian society without being looked down? Will they too be given same respect like the married bahu’s of an Indian family given? Without being looked down, will she be encouraged and given a green signal.

I wish someone told me, it ok be a women. But unfortunately I live in a country when I can get grouped or raped if I go to pub. I am forced to wear cloths which are not comfortable or climate friendly. By chance if the tailor stitches the neck design an inch low, I am named a provocative woman. Then think of my state if I say,” I would like to sleep with that guy”. That’s it I would be named a slut, and taken for granted and every guy who crosses me would ask me for it.

Thank god at least now I see women openly accepting the fact that they have seen the forbidden “ blue picture” . Thanks to YouTube and Google.

I wish someone told me, it ok to be women in land of kamasutra and yet not be ashamed of expressing interest in sex.

Now people go on.. I am already prepared with the kind of comments I might get, still I wanted to express my view, and here they are..

I wrote it for the Write Over Weekend contest and as usual missed the deadline.. so just thought of posting it now, rather than keeping it in draft for long..

 

Soak no more !!!


When she was born, she wanted to tell her mom, SOAK ME NO MORE mamma.. I am not getting enough space, want to come out to this world. 38 weeks is so much time for me to grow, I want to be independent.

She grew up gradually, at this time, she said,” SOAK me NO MORE with extra protection “, I can stand alone and trying to walk alone. I don’t want to be protected always.

During the schooling she said, “I don’t want to SOAK any MORE” in this studies and homework. I don’t want to be jailed in school and burdened with so much to get more marks.

During the teenage she said,” I don’t want to SOAK any MORE” with the difference of being a girl, and undergo this menstruation and physical changes in body.

During the college days she said,” I don’t want to SOAK any MORE” with the changing relation with boys, pressure of campus placement and first class degree.

During the work she said,” I don’t want to SOAK any MORE” with the pressure of getting married and prospect to seeing good match.

During her wedding she said,” I don’t want to SOAK any MORE” to look good and impress my fiancée and all relatives around.

Post wedding days, she said,” I don’t want to SOAK any MORE” in the constant pressure of wanting to have kids and pressured by in-laws.

During the motherhood she said,” I hear the words of my kid asking me not to SOAK her MORE”, she want to come out and face the cycle of life.

Today she is writing the post for SOAK NO MORE CONTEST and trying to make the reader SOAK NO MORE on what she has faced in life being a women and trying to make all relationship and things work out for her.

This post is for the Indiblogger The Surf Excel Matic #SoakNoMore contest. SoakNoMore

click here to vote for me.

world is shrinking…


 

I have been talking about living away from hubby from day one of wedding( blame it on the offer letter the post man brought on our wedding day). Work is the one keeping us away or in other words the financial pressures.

We had a chance of meeting each other when I was in Bangalore. It was more than essential during our initial post wedding days. Later it became once a fortnight when I moved to Vizag, and now that he is oceans apart, it is all the more worse.

The geographic division between us brought in the additional responsibilities for me. I just feel suffocated with no time for me. Every day has become a race for me with paying bills, calling plumber or carpenter, going to hardware shop or installing software, Taking care of self and family’s health. This also includes making travel plans for in-laws, booking, re-booking and cancellation of tickets.  This makes me long for a partner, who would share my responsibility.  Well, to top it all, I have my appraisal and work pressure building up at work.

Leave all that physical strain on me, but it makes me feel worse when Bunty gets attached to everyman who even slightly resembles my hubby. She doesn’t come back to me. I am in tears when she shows her little fingers towards the laptop and says “daddy”, waiting for me to connect via Skype. This leaves a scar in my heart. Am I not disturbing the father daughter relation by just not willing to sacrifice my career?

Aren’t we finding this happening commonly in every house now a days? ( of course the house where people have decided not to loose their career or, didn’t want to spoil kids education as it is best at particular place. Or there is a onsite offer and one of the spouse has to go abroad. )

Is it all because we are specific, make priority of certain things and loose on other?. Or it is because people have moved ahead the old thought of men being the bread winner and go and stay with him for rest of life. Or it because women too want a career and want to be independent, proves themselves. Or it is because we want to send our kids to better schools at cities and decide to live away from spouse to be with the kids for education and well being. Or it is because we have accepted the fact that world is shrinking.

Whatever might be the reason I think the survival is there even after the distance only because of the great electronic inventions? But for mobile phones, laptops, 3G-2G connection and Skype and internet, this would have been impossible.

photo credit

I think in spite of romancing the technology and trying in be touch with the families, people still want the physical touch to comfort them.

To sum up, I just wanted to highlight the priorities of this generation has changed for good or bad . people don’t mind the physical distance, and living their life independently by purely depending on gadgets for communication.  People are patient enough to wait till weekend to see each other virtually, despite the time lap they have.  Older generations trying to learn and operate new gadgets to respond to their little onces far away. Little one waiting for the goodies the parent would get, and show off at school about him/she holding a passport in their name and would travel in flight. The spouse trying hard to fulfill the child’s and family’s wishes with a smile on her face and hoping to complete the family with his arrival soon.

Note: this post is for you dear hubby. Missing you a lot.. come back soon.

Conversation.


This conversation happened in canteen yesterday. I don’t know , how much of it is true, is it exaggeration or real understanding?.

H1: you are not supposed to discuss about the house matters, namely about wife or in-laws or parents in front of so many people in office. You can share it with small crowd in canteen, say 4 persons group but not in a common hall.

H2: what did I say? I said I like watching TV news channels, where as my wife like seeing only cartoons. I don’t see anything wrong.

H1: nothing is wrong, but you don’t understand how this would have effect when somebody tells this to your wife. It is not like your wife will misunderstand you; it is that she will think you tell everything in office.

And he quotes an example of some X meeting his wife and telling her the following statements like

  • Your hubby thinks that you are still a kid as you see only cartoon

  • Why don’t you let your husband see TV?

  • Really you like watching so many cartoons? Your husband was telling me the other day

  • Why don’t you change your behavior? You do not understand your husband.

H3: yes that is right, once a while u can discuss essential things with friends to confirm that you are on right track of marriage, and it is happening in everybody’s life. It is just comparing one’s life notes.

H2: whatever you say sir, I have learnt 3 lessons after marriage.

So now let me put it a pyar ka rules post marriage( it is his rules and thoughts)

  • Never be angry with ur wife. Don’t ever try to show someone else anger on her. Even if there is a fight, finish it off before going to bed.

  • Listen to her. I know she would like to share tiniest thing happened that day, listen and process than simply letting of through ears. Remember what is required if possible everything. You don’t know when you will be questioned on it.

  • Never say something is wrong in food. Never on phone, also never take back the lunch box unfinished. Give her time to realize and tell by herself about the fault in recipe and just nod your head.

Now girls go ahead and come out with comments. So is there any Pyar ka rules for women too??

When there is a new girl in office,


there is new girl in office today. I feel both happy and sad. Happy that finally I got a company, but sadder as I am not the privileged only female in the office.  Ok, leaving aside my feelings, let me talk to what happened yesterday.

I need to name the new girl as something na, may be call her, Ms.young. yes she is 5 yrs younger to me. Do you see wrinkles on my face now?? Hmmm may be you will in someday. J.

Morning, my boss comes running inside the hall, we don’t have cabins, we believe in open hall working system. He announces that two people are joining the division. One of them is a female, so we need to make some quick arrangement. We need to create place for her, she is coming from our training school( yup rest all of us are direct recruitment).

Immediately, few boys were called, 3 peoples places were shifted. Yup, my place too was shifted. I understand that we need to accommodate her too, but why in such hurry. When I came I was not allowed a seat, waited for my table and computers to come. But, Ms.young has become a princess. Why because is young and unmarried or because she has the crown called training school candidate.

Whatever, all the set up disturbed. The highlight is that she has been given 15 days accommodation in guest house and is given transport facility too. Which I was not given that time. Yup that is the reason for me fuming. And she is been given vehicle to go and search for a house for herself, and is given permission to go out in office hours.

Someone in office rightly said, Ramayana and Mahabharata was also because of one woman, same is repeating now. For once, I did nothing but support the statement.

Isn’t my boss making me hate Ms.young for no reason? Whatever, I am angry on the system. Hope my mood changes over the weekend; I will be able to accept my new colleague.

Note: there were people who wanted the Ms.young to be seated in such a location that they can look at her from their place. Thank god that her looks were not disappointing thought it was not to our expectations built over a month’s time before her arrival.

against celebrating puberty!!!



In south India there is tradition of hosting a function when a girl attains her puberty.  The girl is not allowed to touch anything which are washable, is made to sit idle with her own set of plates, tumbler, bed sheets etc and treated like untouchable. On the fifth day of her periods, she is called back home, rather can be normal herself after a grand celebration.

In olden days this was done to announce the world that there is a marriageable girl at their homes. No-touching was there for hygiene purpose and also was rest for the girl, as she would do major chunk of household work.

There were instances when somebody visiting my house would ask if I attained my puberty or not?? I never knew here to hide my face at that point.

But now a day’s people don’t understanding it, but just simply follow it. In fact my mom too tried to impose few such rules on me.

  1. She announced it to the world that this happened. Yes, it was embarrassing for me, as my neighbors were my classmates, felt bad facing the boys group for sometime later.
  2. I was not allowed to enter the kitchen or touch many things in the house. Considered UN-touchable. In fact felt embarrassed when some guest came home, I can’t offer water to them, and had to tell them that I was having my periods, so help yourself and get me also water from my kitchen.
  3. I was asked wash my hair every day, ( I had long hair) and then dry it up and then got o school, which means getting up an hour early.
  4. Even when I rolled in stomach pain, my mom wouldn’t touch me or sooth me.

I kept quiet for some time, but more than that I couldn’t tolerate this. But I couldn’t convince my mother on it either. So, I had to use my weapon dad. And then stopped this practice.  Then I realized that this means I am fighting only for myself but not changing the system. I took it on me to change at least my close circle who followed it. Didn’t know how. I met my pediatrician, asked her to speak about it in school as a guest lecture. I also asked the doctor to talk about the misconceptions about it and orthodox systems followed. She was ready to help me out.

The doctor delivered the lecture such a way that, every girl thought about the UN-touchabilty.  They indirectly went and spoke to their parents about it. I am happy that after that, 3 families stopped following this system. My mom didn’t host this celebration for my sister and is keen in not doing it for her granddaughter. Now my mom tells her friends not follow this system.

Yes I stood up, for me, my family and other girls who couldn’t speak up at that particular time. But now days, almost every girl has her freedom to choose what she wants (for the function held).

This is my entry for “I Stood Up” contest of Women’s web I stood up Blogathon.

Note: now my mom explains thinks biologically and scientifically when she talks about puberty. She doesn’t embarrass others by asking whether your daughter has attained puberty or not??

note2: u can see the proper fights which can happen during in the function and the torture the girl faces by having fancy dress with costumes depicted in movie kadhal . will upload the video when i get it. 🙂

The I stood up-Blogathon


Have you had such a moment when you stood up? Presenting the ‘I Stood Up’ blogathon! Write about a situation in your life when you stood up – for yourself or for another.

 

This was the question asked by womensweb. I kept thinking thinking, but couldn’t recollect anything strongly. Then I thought why not take up the points raised by womensweb and look by in my life, if I did anything? Oh yes, it looks like I have almost raised my voice for every topic given below.

Against inequality- injustice happens all the time. At times, it is injustice just for you, at times it is for your group, sometimes to entire human race.

First injustice I noticed, or heard from my mother that, my birth as a girl was not accepted by my father or family, but my boy cousin’s was celebrated. This didn’t stop there, but grew with me. One fine day when I was 8, I protested to my grandmother, saying I won’t accept this indifference, and I needed justice. I wanted to play with new toys, study well and get all benefit what my boy cousin gets. I was so adamant, and in fact threatened my grandma that, I would complain to police about the inequality at home. Though family laughed at the moment, but realized the depth of my feelings (as I protested without taking food for a day or so) and changed. My father changed so much that he just wanted his next child to be girl. Now, family welcomes birth of girl child more enthusiastically.

Against harassment- it was not that I reacted to harassment very first when I faced it. It took time for me to gain up the courage. This courage came only after I discussed a particular eve-teasing incident with my neighbor’s daughter. I was in school, and she was in college. This happened in front my mother. My mother being by ever support asked me to speak out. She said, “how would I know what happened until you open ur mouth.” That was enough for me to open up. I   knew she was there for whatever I reacted. Next time whenever someone tried to feel me up, I always give a stare to him, to confirm whether it is intentional or accidental. When I know that is intentional, I just ask him what he wanted, loud enough for others to hear and look at the guy. ( I am not writing a particular incident as it happens regularly when I travel in bus).i am still standing up against the harassment faced in public transportimage courtesy: link

 Against oppression- this happened when I was in school. A particular teacher was partial towards Brahmin community. She would give them more marks and treat my fellow classmates who belong to the group well. At one point I couldn’t take it anymore. There is a particular Tamil slang which is used by Tamil Brahmin. So, I learnt the language and submitted my project work to my teacher and said,” project-a attu lendu kondavandu submit panituen. Nenga ada seta pathu,full mark podunga.” ( I brought my project from home, please see it and put full marks). She understood my intention of using the language and stopped being partial. I stood up for myself and my classmates against oppression.

 Against prejudice- while my college admission, my parents asked me to write all engineering entrance. But I was adamant in writing architecture entrance. It was by default taken that I don’t know much about the world. Somehow I wanted to prove them that I had done enough of research and can write an entrance exam even without coaching. Yes, I proved them that I could do it by bagging a state rank and becoming an architect now. I stood up for myself and proved that I can think ahead of my age.

image courtesy:link

 Against discrimination- I am the only female in my dept. I didn’t have any problem. But, when the site work was on, my boss never asked me to go to site as I was pregnant. But, other colleagues started making statements saying that I was not given much of work being women but take full salary. This irritated me. I spoke back saying that, I am being paid for the work I do. I don’t have to answer anyone other than my boss. They are no one decide on my capabilities. I also went through all the procedure like them for entering this particular job profile. On requirement I would work on night duties too. there were days, i was asked to work on weekends too despite the gender. i was more eager as i had to prove them. i even took few site analysis alone, climb up and down the scaffolding, talk to labors and came up with good results. now i am considered as part of team and not looked down because of my gender in the construction field. I stood up for women community working in a construction profession.

Against injustice- property division.  My parents wanted to give me more share, as I was the elder and help them out in finances. I felt bad and asked them to reconsider and give equal share to me and my sister. I stood up against the injustice in a relation based on responsibility undertaken.

there are many instances when everyone has stood up. few are note worthy, few are life saving and few are just for self satisfaction. noted ones are published on papers and take media’s attention. few just say thanks and go away and few instances we say sabash to ourselves.

now my only aim is to make child child aware of her rights and act judicially.