confusion master title goes to…………. ME.


Note: its random thought.. a stupid way my brain thinks. even if you understand 10% of it, u r great.. 

why do i get so confused these days.. sometimes I feel that I plan too much.. and when things dont go according to the plan, i get upset. 

so let me explain my confused state now.. I am waiting for the results of the exam i wrote last week. mean time, I keep thinking what if i get? what if I dont get it?

option-1:

If i get through first level, Then there will be interview. I will need an NOC. taking an NOC means, my promotion will be delayed by another year ( if i dont pass in the interview). If I get the job, then will my husband also move to same city? will Bunty adjust to new cosmopolitan city? will my salary be sufficient?? 

option-2: 

If i dont pass the level 1. that means, i will be buying a new car. will be staying in same city as now. everything will be same, including the fact that i will be staying away from hubby. 

all of a sudden I want to quit this job and live with hubby. again, that means more problem.stay at home. staying in joint family. one salary. 

next idea is to do masters. again i am not sure if i have to do M.Arch or M.Des.  M.Arch will fetch me a teaching job. M.des can take me into new field. buy not sure of job opportunities.. if i leave my present job, what about my loans?? 

with so many thoughts, i am not getting sleep also.. finally I understood one thing, that  I am desperate to get out of this organization. reason is silly. yes, because i am not being sent for promotion this year.. I dont know, after working, if i dont get what i expected, I feel bad. but, after working in Govt organization, reputed one, I am scared to go out work in private firms for less salary. I took a solid paid leave for an year, have all facilities, Medical, LTC and what not?? but there is no work satisfaction. .. actually I like the work also, but i dont like my Boss’s boss. 

Should i just leave an organization for just one person who is going to retire in another 2 years?? or should i just go back because once in while Bunty asks for her dad. Am i being self centered as i am just thinking of myself?? or am i taking the fact for granted that BUnty has got adjusted here. she is used to staying away from her dad??

somebody please switch off my brain till the results of the exam come out…   

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