a silly book and its effect on me??

To get out of various tensions in life, i have started reading “fifty shades of grey”.I read few pages first, then thought it was distracting before the interview preparation and stopped reading it. i lend the book to my other colleague. now that i have nothing else to read, i came back to this book. in fact i made him come home and give me back the book.

reading few pages, i am back in dilemma. did i make mistake by lending him this book without reading it first? or did i make mistake in telling him, i need a proper break, don’t want philosophy but only THIS book? i knew it was a erotica, but what did I do?? i am just wondering will this have implication on my relationship with him? like other books will he be discussing this also to me??:P( though i secretly wish he does, to know how a boss thinks :))

coming back to the book. still i am halfway through it. should i confess that this book is master of Kamasutra?? now don’t expect any pictures or photos ok.. i mean the contents wise. a true knowledge giving book. you can find everything about sex in this book. you don’t have to hide and Google in internet. every word connected to it is there in this book. thought i am finding it odd to use them or write it in the blogpost.

this book has two main characters. i will do the actual book review later when i am done with the book. just two main characters, Mr.Grey and Ms.Steel. Rich successful man is behind a student for a short-time relationship. which doesn’t involve lovemaking but just F***ing. she has to sign a contract for this, which has too many clauses and conditions.

something in this book making me so vulnerable. is the book written so well that i am getting carried away? or is this to with my state of mind? what is it? i am enjoying reading every page of the book, yet getting disturbed? too confusing?? on top of it, I lend this book to boss?? his has read it first, and gave it back with a smile. now whenever i see him, i am not able to look at his eyes, as i know he has read the book. stupid me, i am recollecting few lines of the book, blush in between my work. what if somebody asks me what is it all about?? i am so carried away by the book that i get up little early to read few pages, read it when i am waiting for my boss to come to pick me up. i got so involved that i stopped talking to people around me or on phone( yes even with hubby its just few lines). my mind is all occupied with Mr.Grey. now I am also feeling sad that the book is going to come to an end. oh yes, it’s a trilogy. but that too has an end na..

people pray for me. i need to stay normal. I want to come out these stupid emotions and come back to myself. yes i wish for Mr.Grey, but i don’t want to search for him now( he he he). :).

interview- results are out.

finally the day arrived. I decided to wear my favorite white saree with sky-blue border. a pearl necklace to match with. wore simple make up. I was happy to see my other friends there. looking at one of them, I was sure that she would get selected. don’t know why, it was my gut feeling. PA came and read out the order in which we would attend the interview. I was supposed to go second. I sat in a corner looking at my notes.

my turn came. I went inside with little prayer inside. I was asked to sit. for first time I saw such a big panel. it consisted of 12 member for various disciplines. I was asked various questions. whatever I knew I answered confidently. few I blabbered. for none I kept quite. I was also asked to solve quadratic equation. guess what I couldn’t solve it. then came reverberation time, density, what not. I didn’t expect them to check my physic and mathematics skill. I felt so dumb not answering them. I wanted to bang my head on the wall. came out of the hall with disappointment.  

came back home. I was upset for two days. I knew I am not going to make it. came back to vizag. my boss had called the specialist to ask how I had done the interview. they said I was good. this was the only statement which brought back the smile on my face.

after a long wait, the results are out. and guess what?? I am there in the list, but in waiting list. that too not one.. in three.. again living with a small hope. I just can’t tell you my state of mind. :(.. feeling sad sad.. 

interview part-3

because people are not understanding the procedures in govt organization,

incase if a person needs to apply for job in another govt organization, the present organization has to approve it.  in simple words only with NOC, he/she can apply for another job. as far as my knowledge, its easy to get in private firm, but really difficult in Govt. offices.

coming back..

the super boss put it my head that I will not be shortlisted for interview.. even if I get shortlisted,  I will not be selected . I lost all hopes, and prepared to stay at vizag only.

suddenly, a month ago, I got the call letter asking me to attend interview. yes, i was literally jumping around. here i had another problem, few months back a new Regional director was appointed of my office. He has powers to stop me from attending the interview. so, I had to prepare in silence, yet inform other superiors( bosses) that i am going to attend interview. finally they need to sanction me leave na.

I  used to get up at 4 in the morning to study. after that at 7 I had to cook and come to office.  I kept all pdf document windows open along with AutoCAD dwg, would toggle between the windows when nobody is noticing my monitor. I read National Building Code book completely. few other norms, Developmental control rule etc etc. Energy conservation Building code, what not.. made notes. came to office on few Saturdays, so that i can study without disturbances. i had a feeling that i had prepared well.

then I also did few cheating as I am in the department. i got to know interview panel members. tried talking to the specialist people . thought they didn’t tell me what to study or interview questions, they just said they would ask general question . it just helped me to build the confidence. 

Interview series -2

As everybody says, the Process of getting anything done according to employee benefit is difficult in Govt. organization. that to when I had to apply for a post lower than what I am presently in. best part is that, any application has to pass through proper channel. that means, all the people whom I am reporting to have to sign it. 

are you confused?? being an architect, I have a Architect boss, and a civil boss. they report to their respective head, who too have to sign. isn’t it weird?? 

coming back to the process, I was given a chance to apply, consideration was given on basis of *Spouse case*. whatever they call it, my application was forwarded.  because of all this process, everybody in office came to know that I am trying for a job in Chennai. few people even decided that I would leave the organization irrespective of the interview. few planned for treat, considering that I would surely get it.  this was making me more and more uncomfortable. on top of that my boss would come to check my screen if I am working on drawing or preparing for my interview..

at home front, MIL started praying all Gods for my interview. so, there was no peace at office or at home.  

two months passed. from nowhere another person got involved in my  project. his grade was higher than my bosses boss. he came and told me that director of the organization has asked him to stop my application from getting processed. what a stupid thing,  I am in the lowest grade in the organization, and director has stopped my application. what has he to do with me? he doesn’t even know that I exist. oops I forgot to tell you, this super boss is my dad’s friend. instead of doing good to me, he has spoiled everything.  

interview series..

it feels so nice to  be back. I was busy preparing for an interview. wait.. don’t ask me for results, I don’t know yet. I was busy studying for it. for first time I felt, I studied a lot. if I had studied so much during my college days, I would have got a gold medal. if   I get through, I would move back to Chennai, and stay with my family. keeping my fingers crossed. all of you pray for me.. 

so, i thought i will do few posts on my interview preparations, the day, result tensions etc etc.. don’t worry its not the questions or how to prepare, its about my thoughts during last one month. 😉