Oh my God it is contest, where I have a neutral thoughts. Marriages can be either arranged by parents or arranged by self and partner. What is the big deal as long as they find love in each other and try to happily live ever after.. how can someone justify this? Things and perspective change from person to person and when there is no hard and fast rule or tested method to say which is good or bad..
What comes to my mind reading love marriage is Raj waiting for me on railway platform. Yes, every time I travel on train I look at every possible guy of marriageable age and qualities to be my RAJ. Unfortunately that has not happened in past 1o years. So, love marriage is a induced factor for me from movies which I have seen.
Somehow a dream boy character is built in mind, I am sure it one of the bollywood or Hollywood stars.
so coming up, i would like to tell how this love-arrange marriage had effect on my life( may be in many others too)
the following are conversations which took between me and my mom at various stages of life, it also shows the mentality of parents and teenagers.
During my school days:
Mom: I will break your leg and lock in your room in case you are thinking about love marriage
( the stereo type traditional Indian family types, where love marriage is not accepted)
Me: ok, anyways I am not liking anybody in that sense.( not even knowing what I was meaning at that point)
Mom: who is your best friend?
Me: that boy ma, you met him during X’s b’day party na.
Mom: how is he?
Me: very smart, helps me with my project.
After few months..
Mom: how is that boy whom we met at X’s b’day party?
Me: that guy, he is no more my friend ma, he is so stupid, he cant even solve a chemistry equation by himself. Now J is my friend. That boy is X’s friend now
Mom: oh I see..
During my college days:
Mom: in case you like anybody in college, before proposing him, show him to me, I will see, then you can propose.
( at this stage mom had seen few of her friends daughters eloping with their boy friends and getting married. so mom wanted to accept the fact that love marriages can be there, and even her daughter can fall in love)
Me: amma, there is no body like that..
Mom: no I am giving you all freedom dear, but just want to confirm the person before you commit
Me: will tell you when I meet the perfect boy.
Mom: do you know, at every stage of life you will meet new new person, your taste differs, see you like Y in school day, later towards the end you like z.. so if you wait, you get the right person.
( she tried to apply theory here, making me accept and wait for the best)
Me: so I have to wait till I die?
Mom: no till you find the right guy.
Thought I had so many crush, was still confused and scared to pick up one as my boy friend and proceed to love and get married.
Me: hmmm.. ok will keep it in mind.
When I started working, that too in a new city:
Mom: why don’t you just pick up a guy of ur choice, I will get you married off.
( here almost all her friends and relatives kids got love marriage. she wanted to show off that her daughter too had a love marriage, she is broad minded and accepting it. )
Me: you told me that u will break my leg when I was young.
Mom: that time you were so carried away with SRK movies. Was sacred that you will fall a prey for someone, and you might get abused.
Me: then in college you gave me freedom.
Mom: that time you were matured enough to choose. But I gave you a twist of showing me the person before you get committed. So I ensured that you question yourself about the genuineity of your selection and prepare a list of probable question I would ask, and tell me the guy who would pass all the requirements .
Mom: yes family, religion, job placements etc etc
Me; then wont you call it as arrange marriage?
Mom: no its still love with compatibility not blind swayamwar where you just go by looks or strength.
Me: hmmm… so why are you giving me permission now?
Mom: now you know everything, and can choose what is right and wrong for you.
Me: very nice trick mom, so you always ensured that I don’t fall in love.
Mom: not like that baby.. I always wanted you to fall in love with someone really worth it, and marry the same one and live happily ever after.
Me: so what do I do now?
Mom: either find a boy for yourself or marry the guy whom I select.
Yes, that was the offer given to me. I genuinely tried to convert my first crush into friendship and took it to the next stage of love. Tried to be in relationship for few years. But unfortunately couldn’t marry the same person, as his mother was not like mine approving love. So, I moved on married my husband, a great lover.
It was a tough phase to start disliking someone or to accept and love another man, more that the one you thought was your mr.perfect.
But, yes the new lover whom I found is a great lover. He helped to move on and enjoy my life in the best way possible with all fun.
So, its nothing to do with love marriage or arranged marriage, it is do with love in marriage. It is the love which is either continues from before marriage to later, but “continued” till you stay with the partner is important.
I would say that I would have been happy if married the prior or could have been unhappy even with the later, it was just the compatibly and acceptance of each other which worked in marriage.
Marriage is just not the end of any relation. All the love also don’t have to end in marriage. All the marriage also doesn’t have to continue with love they began with.
Now don’t ask me about live-in –relation. It would also last as long a there is understanding between both.
To conclude, love, trust, partnership, tolerance and tenacity is required to keep the relation alive.
To keep the fire burning brightly there’s one easy rule: Keep the two logs together, near enough to keep each other warm and far enough apart – about a finger’s breadth – for breathing room. Good fire, good marriage(love ya arranged or live-in), same rule. ~Marnie Reed Crowell
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