The ”Just Married, Please Excuse” Contest


i am reposing this article for The ”Just Married, Please Excuse” Contest. this is a conversation happened in my canteen between a newly married man, and others. here the newly married tried to give his advice to other old men. i found it really funny and amusing.. so enjoy reading it.

 

This conversation happened in canteen yesterday. I don’t know , how much of it is true, is it exaggeration or real understanding?.

H1: you are not supposed to discuss about the house matters, namely about wife or in-laws or parents in front of so many people in office. You can share it with small crowd in canteen, say 4 persons group but not in a common hall.

H2: what did I say? I said I like watching TV news channels, where as my wife like seeing only cartoons. I don’t see anything wrong.

H1: nothing is wrong, but you don’t understand how this would have effect when somebody tells this to your wife. It is not like your wife will misunderstand you; it is that she will think you tell everything in office.

And he quotes an example of some X meeting his wife and telling her the following statements like

  • Your hubby thinks that you are still a kid as you see only cartoon

  • Why don’t you let your husband see TV?

  • Really you like watching so many cartoons? Your husband was telling me the other day

  • Why don’t you change your behavior? You do not understand your husband.

H3: yes that is right, once a while u can discuss essential things with friends to confirm that you are on right track of marriage, and it is happening in everybody’s life. It is just comparing one’s life notes.

H2: whatever you say sir, I have learnt 3 lessons after marriage.

So now let me put it a pyar ka rules post marriage( it is his rules and thoughts)

  • Never be angry with ur wife. Don’t ever try to show someone else anger on her. Even if there is a fight, finish it off before going to bed.

  • Listen to her. I know she would like to share tiniest thing happened that day, listen and process than simply letting of through ears. Remember what is required if possible everything. You don’t know when you will be questioned on it.

  • Never say something is wrong in food. Never on phone, also never take back the lunch box unfinished. Give her time to realize and tell by herself about the fault in recipe and just nod your head.

so was the newly married guys analysis right?  gyann shared..

world is shrinking…


 

I have been talking about living away from hubby from day one of wedding( blame it on the offer letter the post man brought on our wedding day). Work is the one keeping us away or in other words the financial pressures.

We had a chance of meeting each other when I was in Bangalore. It was more than essential during our initial post wedding days. Later it became once a fortnight when I moved to Vizag, and now that he is oceans apart, it is all the more worse.

The geographic division between us brought in the additional responsibilities for me. I just feel suffocated with no time for me. Every day has become a race for me with paying bills, calling plumber or carpenter, going to hardware shop or installing software, Taking care of self and family’s health. This also includes making travel plans for in-laws, booking, re-booking and cancellation of tickets.  This makes me long for a partner, who would share my responsibility.  Well, to top it all, I have my appraisal and work pressure building up at work.

Leave all that physical strain on me, but it makes me feel worse when Bunty gets attached to everyman who even slightly resembles my hubby. She doesn’t come back to me. I am in tears when she shows her little fingers towards the laptop and says “daddy”, waiting for me to connect via Skype. This leaves a scar in my heart. Am I not disturbing the father daughter relation by just not willing to sacrifice my career?

Aren’t we finding this happening commonly in every house now a days? ( of course the house where people have decided not to loose their career or, didn’t want to spoil kids education as it is best at particular place. Or there is a onsite offer and one of the spouse has to go abroad. )

Is it all because we are specific, make priority of certain things and loose on other?. Or it is because people have moved ahead the old thought of men being the bread winner and go and stay with him for rest of life. Or it because women too want a career and want to be independent, proves themselves. Or it is because we want to send our kids to better schools at cities and decide to live away from spouse to be with the kids for education and well being. Or it is because we have accepted the fact that world is shrinking.

Whatever might be the reason I think the survival is there even after the distance only because of the great electronic inventions? But for mobile phones, laptops, 3G-2G connection and Skype and internet, this would have been impossible.

photo credit

I think in spite of romancing the technology and trying in be touch with the families, people still want the physical touch to comfort them.

To sum up, I just wanted to highlight the priorities of this generation has changed for good or bad . people don’t mind the physical distance, and living their life independently by purely depending on gadgets for communication.  People are patient enough to wait till weekend to see each other virtually, despite the time lap they have.  Older generations trying to learn and operate new gadgets to respond to their little onces far away. Little one waiting for the goodies the parent would get, and show off at school about him/she holding a passport in their name and would travel in flight. The spouse trying hard to fulfill the child’s and family’s wishes with a smile on her face and hoping to complete the family with his arrival soon.

Note: this post is for you dear hubby. Missing you a lot.. come back soon.

Multitasking..


When your left hand is busy moving front and back, right hand trying to be kept straight and once in while moving left or right, left leg half in air, right leg trying to give different pressures, eyes moving left,right center, and head trying to be calculative, ear listening and mouth tight shut.

Still dint get it? I am talking about learning a four wheeler. I have been trying to following all the instructions given by the instructor, felt this is the toughest multitasking I am doing.

Let me explain,

Class1: just try to keep the steering in control. I practiced that one full class. And to keep the vehicle to one side of the road, left extreme.

Class 2: I learn, ABC or driving. No no its CBA.. clutch, break and accelerator. I try and start car with just half release of clutch, feel the engine gear up and move the car. It was quite a task. Every time i do,  the car used to stop. Then comes the gear. The instructor shows me the diagram and says first,2nd,3rd,4rth and reverse gear. I practice to move in 2nd gear.

But what is the mistake I do?? Guess??

Not pressing the clutch and trying to move the gear..

Class 3: I take the car on NH5, yes on a highway, and move the car in 2,3 and 4th gear. Yup, this increased my confidence.

Class4: now the twist of turning came. For someone who is thin with not much of strength on arms, try out to turn the mechanical steering, at sharp cuts. So I was taken around a park and made to just turn and turn. Turn left, right.. oh don’t for the indicator.

Class 4: now, it time for me to practice speed controlling. Only with accelerator , slow brake and just to move the car in first gear and clutch control .

Class5 : trying to drive with the footwear. Yes, first 4 classes were with bare foot on ABC.. but I had to Judges the pressure applied with footwear.

Class 6: here comes the reverse. The car moves in the direction you rotate the steering, its not mirror driving. It took time for me to understand the concept. So again in the park, move left and right and go straight back.

Class7: trying to make and 8. Yes, it was part of driving test to be taken, so again go to plan hockey ground and make an 8, and drive on the previous tire marks made.

Class8: repeat all the above classes.

Class9: her, I am asked to park the car in the basement of my apartment. I struggle. Move the car front, take reverse, and move front.

Class 10: practice reverse on a curved road and 8, as I was taking the driving test that day.

What happens, I go the RTO office. Show my LLR letter. They ask me to take a car standing there and give me the keys.

Now I try and recollect the instructions given by the instructor

Step1: adjust the car seat. Yes, I am short, so have to move the seat forward.

Step2: unlock the hand break

Step 3: start the car

Step 4: move the car only in first gear. As passing the test is more important than showing the speed skills

Step5: carefully use the indicators before turning

Step6: follow the 8 path, take the simplest entry , so coming out and turning is not a problem

Step7: carefully take the car into the inbuilt ditch with half clutch and accelerate more to bring out the car. Remember, that car is in 1st gear.

Step8: carefully turn the car. Stop, take reverse with right hand on window pane, head turning back, and take reverse. ( yes my car stops here. The reverse gear was not falling in its place. I don’t panic, but try again and succeed. I was driving really slow that, people didn’t notice my car stopping.

Step9: I bring the car back to the location and stop it.

Step10: report back to the traffic officer and he says, “PASS”.

That’s how I get my license.

Finally I bought a secondhand car. After  2 months of getting license, I drove to office today. Thanks to my colleague who was kind enough to accompany me on my first day to office, in my car.

I am like, yes I did it.. in spite of hitting the compound wall while taking reverse, stopping and trying to start car in middle of a big signal, not getting panicked with lorry fellow trying honk honk, missing two speed breakers.. Driving in Vizag rains..

Note: you may hear more stories on driving from now on..

Ps. I don’t even know to drive a two wheeler, my dad has a strong feeling that I don’t have road sense.

love in marriage with arrangment to stay long


Oh my God it is contest, where I have a neutral thoughts. Marriages can be either arranged by parents or arranged by self and partner. What is the big deal as long as they find love in each other and try to happily live ever after.. how can someone justify this? Things and perspective change from person to person and when there is no hard and fast rule or tested method to say which is good or bad..

What comes to my mind reading love marriage is Raj waiting for me on railway platform. Yes, every time I travel on train I look at every possible guy of marriageable age and qualities to be my RAJ. Unfortunately that has not happened in past 1o years. So, love marriage is a induced factor for me from movies which I have seen.

Somehow a dream boy character is built in mind, I am sure it one of the bollywood or Hollywood stars.

so coming up, i would like to tell how this love-arrange marriage had effect on my life( may be in many others too)

the following are conversations which took between me and my mom at various stages of life, it also shows the mentality of parents and teenagers.

During my school days:

Mom: I will break your leg and lock in your room in case you are thinking about love marriage

( the stereo type traditional Indian family types, where love marriage is not accepted)

Me: ok, anyways I am not liking anybody in that sense.( not even knowing what I was meaning at that point)

———————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————-

Mom: who is your best friend?

Me: that boy ma, you met him during X’s b’day party na.

Mom: how is he?

Me: very smart, helps me with my project.

———————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————–

After few months..

Mom: how is that boy whom we met at X’s b’day party?

Me: that guy, he is no more my friend ma, he is so stupid, he cant even solve a chemistry equation by himself. Now J is my friend. That boy is X’s friend now

Mom: oh I see..

————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————

During my college days:

Mom: in case you like anybody in college, before proposing him, show him to me, I will see, then you can propose.

( at this stage mom had seen few of her friends daughters eloping with their boy friends and getting married. so mom wanted to accept the fact that love marriages can be there, and even her daughter can fall in love)

Me: amma, there is no body like that..

Mom: no I am giving you all freedom dear, but just want to confirm the person before you commit

Me: will tell you when I meet the perfect boy.

Mom: do you know, at every stage of life you will meet new new person, your taste differs, see you like Y in school day, later towards the end you like z.. so if you wait, you get the right person.

( she tried to apply theory here, making me accept and wait for the best)

Me: so I have to wait till I die?

Mom: no till you find the right guy.

Thought I had so many crush, was still confused and scared to pick up one as my boy friend and proceed to love and get married.

Me: hmmm.. ok will keep it in mind.

——————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————

When I started working, that too in a new city:

Mom: why don’t you just pick up a guy of ur choice, I will get you married off.

( here almost all her friends and relatives kids got love marriage. she wanted to show off that her daughter too had a love marriage, she is broad minded and accepting it. )

Me: you told me that u will break my leg when I was young.

Mom: that time you were so carried  away with SRK movies. Was sacred that you will fall a prey for someone, and you might get abused.

Me: then in college you gave me freedom.

Mom: that time you were matured enough to choose. But I gave you a twist of showing me the person before you get committed. So I ensured that you question yourself about the genuineity of your selection and prepare a list of probable question I would ask, and tell me the guy who would pass all the requirements .

Me: requirements?

Mom: yes family, religion, job placements etc etc

Me; then wont you call it as arrange marriage?

Mom: no its still love with compatibility not blind swayamwar where you just go by looks or strength.

Me: hmmm… so why are you giving me permission now?

Mom: now you know everything, and can choose what is right and wrong for you.

Me: very nice trick mom, so you always ensured that I don’t fall in love.

Mom: not like that baby.. I always wanted you to fall in love with someone really worth it, and marry the same one and live happily ever after.

Me: so what do I do now?

Mom: either find a boy for yourself or marry the guy whom I select.

——————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————–

Yes, that was the offer given to me. I genuinely tried to convert my first crush into friendship and took it to the next stage of love. Tried to be in relationship for few years. But unfortunately couldn’t marry the same person, as his mother was not like mine approving love. So, I moved on married my husband, a great lover.

It was a tough phase to start disliking someone or to accept and love another man, more that the one you thought was your mr.perfect.

But, yes the new lover whom I found is a great lover. He helped to move on and enjoy my life in the best way possible with all fun.

So, its nothing to do with love marriage or arranged marriage, it is do with love in marriage. It is the love which is either continues from before marriage to later, but “continued” till you stay with the partner is important.

I would say that I would have been happy if married the prior or could have been unhappy even with the later, it was just the compatibly and acceptance of each other which worked in marriage.

Marriage is just not the end of any relation. All the love also don’t have to end in marriage. All the marriage also doesn’t have to continue with love they began with.

Now don’t ask me about live-in –relation. It would also last as long a there is understanding between both.

To conclude, love, trust, partnership, tolerance and tenacity is required to keep the relation alive.

To keep the fire burning brightly there’s one easy rule:  Keep the two logs together, near enough to keep each other warm and far enough apart – about a finger’s breadth – for breathing room.  Good fire, good marriage(love ya arranged or live-in), same rule.  ~Marnie Reed Crowell

This post is my entry for the Love Marriage or Arranged Marriage on Indiblogger.

to vote for me click here.

break ke baad.


 

hey all.. i am back after the small break.. let me confess, staying at mom’s place is like heaven. I didnt realize it till date. The only thing i did through out my stay was eating,sleeping and meeting people.

Janmastmi:

I started on Friday on Janamstmi. my neighbors dressed my daughter as Radha, here is the pic. I realized that my daughter is really found of jewellery, and she was reluctant to remove of the jewels and was just posing for more photos to be taken. has tough time removing them. let me tell you she has already broken most of my earrings and bead chains.

http://www.ashreyamom.wordpress.com

Train journey to Chennai:

Traveling with kid at night is a pain, 14 hours journey sharing the berth is another story. Bunty occupied all the place, i had to just mange on the edge without falling off. she got cranky in the middle of the night and wanted me take her for a walk in train. finally  managed to put her to sleep.

Week at mom’s place:

luckily MIL had to go for a wedding, so i went to my mother place on the same day. next day happened to be my parents anniversary. I had got a personalized photo book from Zoomin.com. Let me tell you, i really enjoy ordering in this site.

There was a exhibition going on, so i purchased 3 set of Jumka’s. Two new dresses. gave Bunty sugar candy( panji mittai). just trying to tell her, how i spent my childhood waiting for such exhibitions to come and eat candies and pop-corn, which other wise are not found in my town.

rest of the days went visiting other people and patch up driving class. I took bunty for swimming too. She didnt enjoy initially, she was scared of going into water, but towards the end she was not ready to come from pool. poor baby got so tired, that she sad on the pavement after 10 minutes in water, later started chasing the crows on the pavement.  she slept all day due to tiredness.

http://www.ashreyamom.wordpress.com

before i could wink, all the days went off, and had to come back . coming back was a big drama, so dont want spoil the jolly mood of the trip.

Return journey:

it was a day journey. which means more trouble. Bunty wanted to walk the full length of the train. she has also picked up new words from a girls gang in the train. she has learnt apple, banana and mango. i am proud if Bunty.. :).

Book Review: Tamarind City- Where Modern India Began


 Publisher: Tranquebar, Westland Publishers

ISBN: 978-93-81626-33-7

Pages: 315

Price: Rs 295

‘This is what makes Chennai unique,’ says Ghosh, ‘the marriage of tradition and technology’.

Singara Chennai- yes it the world for me. I had lived my best part of life in Chennai and got married to a proper chennaite. So, I think this qualifies me to write the review for the blog.

When I think of Chennai, I get reminded of margalzi kolam, filter coffee, Murugan idili, and of course Besant Nagar beach( yup I am different in that way, I don’t like marina beach as it is always crowded), then the SIPCOT at Siruseri with glass buildings contrary to indo-sarasnic architecture displayed at central railway station. Of course how can I forget the prestigious IIT madras and Anna University, Madras medial college and Stanley medical college. Did I forget to mention the Loyola and Presidency college fights and beauty studded with fashion of Stella Mary’s and Eithraj College on college road?

Yes, I can relate to so much only because I am married to Chennai. This book talks about the Chennai which I missed to see.

He talks to various people starting from a unknown street vendors to evergreen tollywood stars, simple and tasty food to hi-tec IT corridor, life supporting doctors to life creating god with temples. I should appreciate the fact that, he gives an unbiased and critical view. Yes, I agree on flaws of Chennai too.

He de-mystifies the Iyer-Iyenger rivalry for you by taking you to the areas that belong exclusively to them Triplicane and Mylapore and takes you through their temples and the people living around them.

(Remembering Ananya’s house in chetan’s “two states”??.. isn’t it typical for the descriptions of Chennai and Tamil Brahmin community?)

he takes around a place or as part of a personal anecdote or his personal connect with certain places like his old office on Mount road or his exploring the history of his building where he has lived for all his years in Chennai or the connection of his publisher with the city. You can see his love for stories hidden behind buildings, people, legends and myths, and his curiosity to unearth the connections between various things.

He has tried to meet up a wide range of people, say a gynecologist, actors, yoga, teacher, transsexual, and sexologist.

All in all, Tamarind City is one of its kinds book on Chennai as a metropolitan city and in some ways still a city that is taking its own time. I would recommend this book to those who want to know more about the city and also to those who know but like I said have a different view.

At times his description of Chennai women is mundane. He tries to just portray the “mammi( Tamil Brahmin lady) with typical jasmine flower kept on hair, who makes filer coffee and makes vada, blushes and feels shy etc etc. I have seen them only on typical movies not much in real life. So, such an exaggeration made the book little untrue.

A city is a lot like a woman. You may fall for it because of a certain physical attribute — the eyes, the smile, the dimple — but it is the chemistry you develop over time that eventually makes you stick to it.

Language/style:

The book is straight and simple, narrating the meet up of different people and his journey from place to place in and around the city. It looks like it is a collection of essays, at times long taking me out of the book.

In later half of his book, he talks more about him than about the city.

Conclusion.

What works best is when Ghosh lets go of his tendency to be his own protagonist and, instead, simply allows himself to meander into other people’s lives. Almost all of the information that the book compiles is arresting
I am going with 4.5/5 for this book,” Tamarind City”. No doubt Tamarind City informs, educates and entertains every one of us including many Chennaites about their city.

Bishwanath Ghosh was born on 26 December 1970 in Kanpur, Uttar Pradesh, where he began his career as a journalist before moving to New Delhi to work with Press Trust of India and The Asian Age. In 2001 he relocated to Chennai where he spent seven years at The New Sunday Express and three at The Times of India. He is currently a deputy editor with The Hindu. In 2009 he wrote the bestselling travel book, Chai, Chai: Travels in Places Where You Stop But Never Get Off, also published by Tranquebar.
This review is a part of the Book Reviews Program at BlogAdda.com. Participate now to get free books!

update on Ms. Young


Yes, now it’s time for the new update on Ms. Young.

She calls me at 3 in the evening. I was out playing with my daughter. I tell her that I will call back again. She calls me again in the night, when my daughter is asleep. I run to put my mobile in silent and ask her to message.( mobile is a blessing, you can put it in silent when u want. )

MY: I want to know if there are any vacant houses for rent in your locality

ME: (I am a good girl you know, I help everybody.) Yes, it is very much there in my own apartment.

MY: when can I come?

ME: tomorrow at 10.00 am.

Then I go down stair, get that house owners phone number, call him, and fix up an appointment for the next day.

Ms. Young comes to my house by 9.00 am, on a Sunday. It’s a holiday. So what do you expect? I was just out of bed, they are here. I have a party to attend at 12 noon. The meeting is fixed at 10.30. but owner reaches only by 11.00. Mean while we offer them, tea, biscuits, fruits. My bunty starts playing with them. After a point bunty stops coming to me and wants to be with them only.  So right now only Bunty is Ms. Young ‘s friend. I am just helping her out ok. Still the distance is there.

MIL being a intelligent soul, get bunty ready for the party by giving her food, bath. Having them at home, I am not able to go for a bath or even have breakfast.

Finally the owner agrees, they settle with rent and agreement. It is already 12.00. I rush for a bath, get things ready while Mil got ready. Finally we reach the destination by 1.00 pm. When we just reach the destination, the auto driver calls somebody on phone to verify the address. A RTC bus comes and hits us from one side. Thankfully bunty and MIL were on the other side, it hit on my side of the auto. Auto gets partially damaged, but we all survive.

After two days, Ms. Young and I come to office together. I realize that she is just out of college kid with not so much of maturity. It is all because of the hype given by the boss, and the north and south barrier keeping me away from her.

Waiting for the next post on who guys, all married trying to impress Ms. Young.

Conversation.


This conversation happened in canteen yesterday. I don’t know , how much of it is true, is it exaggeration or real understanding?.

H1: you are not supposed to discuss about the house matters, namely about wife or in-laws or parents in front of so many people in office. You can share it with small crowd in canteen, say 4 persons group but not in a common hall.

H2: what did I say? I said I like watching TV news channels, where as my wife like seeing only cartoons. I don’t see anything wrong.

H1: nothing is wrong, but you don’t understand how this would have effect when somebody tells this to your wife. It is not like your wife will misunderstand you; it is that she will think you tell everything in office.

And he quotes an example of some X meeting his wife and telling her the following statements like

  • Your hubby thinks that you are still a kid as you see only cartoon

  • Why don’t you let your husband see TV?

  • Really you like watching so many cartoons? Your husband was telling me the other day

  • Why don’t you change your behavior? You do not understand your husband.

H3: yes that is right, once a while u can discuss essential things with friends to confirm that you are on right track of marriage, and it is happening in everybody’s life. It is just comparing one’s life notes.

H2: whatever you say sir, I have learnt 3 lessons after marriage.

So now let me put it a pyar ka rules post marriage( it is his rules and thoughts)

  • Never be angry with ur wife. Don’t ever try to show someone else anger on her. Even if there is a fight, finish it off before going to bed.

  • Listen to her. I know she would like to share tiniest thing happened that day, listen and process than simply letting of through ears. Remember what is required if possible everything. You don’t know when you will be questioned on it.

  • Never say something is wrong in food. Never on phone, also never take back the lunch box unfinished. Give her time to realize and tell by herself about the fault in recipe and just nod your head.

Now girls go ahead and come out with comments. So is there any Pyar ka rules for women too??

When there is a new girl in office,


there is new girl in office today. I feel both happy and sad. Happy that finally I got a company, but sadder as I am not the privileged only female in the office.  Ok, leaving aside my feelings, let me talk to what happened yesterday.

I need to name the new girl as something na, may be call her, Ms.young. yes she is 5 yrs younger to me. Do you see wrinkles on my face now?? Hmmm may be you will in someday. J.

Morning, my boss comes running inside the hall, we don’t have cabins, we believe in open hall working system. He announces that two people are joining the division. One of them is a female, so we need to make some quick arrangement. We need to create place for her, she is coming from our training school( yup rest all of us are direct recruitment).

Immediately, few boys were called, 3 peoples places were shifted. Yup, my place too was shifted. I understand that we need to accommodate her too, but why in such hurry. When I came I was not allowed a seat, waited for my table and computers to come. But, Ms.young has become a princess. Why because is young and unmarried or because she has the crown called training school candidate.

Whatever, all the set up disturbed. The highlight is that she has been given 15 days accommodation in guest house and is given transport facility too. Which I was not given that time. Yup that is the reason for me fuming. And she is been given vehicle to go and search for a house for herself, and is given permission to go out in office hours.

Someone in office rightly said, Ramayana and Mahabharata was also because of one woman, same is repeating now. For once, I did nothing but support the statement.

Isn’t my boss making me hate Ms.young for no reason? Whatever, I am angry on the system. Hope my mood changes over the weekend; I will be able to accept my new colleague.

Note: there were people who wanted the Ms.young to be seated in such a location that they can look at her from their place. Thank god that her looks were not disappointing thought it was not to our expectations built over a month’s time before her arrival.

on cloud nine..


today morning i was waiting near a road junction for my colleague to come and pick me up.  sai, my neighbors son was walking towards me with him mom. he was going to his school. he shouted bye akka( sister).

i went towards him to give him a chocolate.

sai’s mom: she is not akka dear, she is bunty’s mom na.. so call her aunty

me:( fuming inside): yes, i am bunty’s mother..

sai: no no, i will call her akka only.

me: why???

sai: u dont look fat like my mom or wear sari na.. u dress up nicely all matching ,matching..

sai’s mom: confused..

i started laughing loud.. gave him another chocolate.. :)..

note: he thinks that all mom’s or aunties must be fat, wear saree and look not so dressed up. yes, the kid surely needs to change his thinking.. but i liked his innocence..