Virginity a priority?? A symbol of being ethical?


“For women especially, virginity has become the easy answer- the morality quick fix. You can be vapid, stupid, and unethical, but so long as you’ve never had sex, you’re a “good” (i.e. “moral”) girl and therefore worthy of praise.”

 Belonging to an upper middle class section of the society, was in a complete new city for my higher studies , fell in love with a classmate , “my prince charming”,  and were intense in love and intimacy.

Destiny made us apart coz of reasons which were unworthy. I gave a pass to it.

 To move on in life, married a guy of my own community as per parent’s choice. As an elegant new Indian bride, draped on the sparkling red sari, stepped the bedroom on the wedding night, with all grace, expectations, aspirations, nervousness and leaving all the past behind considering this as destiny.  With all sanctity as a new bride, submitted myself to the man as my life partner. While we were intimate on the wedding night, it was found that I was not a virgin, was pushed hard on the floor, was in shock completely naked, and was not able to make out , it was happening to me. I was thrashed hard on the private parts and was groaning in pain. I squeezed myself to protect me from further whipping. He hauled my hair and was questioned “who was he”. I was still in the state of perplexity. He stabbed on my back by foot and yelled, “You are not a virgin”. He left the room straight away in the midnight.

 Next day morning, I promised to be loyal to him thereafter but no word was worthy enough to prove my genuineness. I was scared if people would listen to him. I felt dejected, what would my parents think of me? Did I misuse my parent’s confidence on me?

 Lateron, the man checked with my friends, including my boss and even enquired about my character and even insulted them by asking whether I had slept with them.  He tried to encash my non-virginity with my parents for heavy dowry.

 What do I change?

Do I change my past and marry my boy friend as lost my virginity to him?

Do I change my husband and his thoughts about virginity?

Do I change myself? Is it a crime not being a virgin?

Is virginity the culprit here or my boy friend or my husband?

Should I change the ignorance of the men and society on virginity?

What if I had not confessed about my past?

What if I had lost my virginity by force and not by choice?

Is virginity a term related to just women?  Who will question the male virginity ?

Finally, Whether GOD be blamed for creating women and men with this difference?

 Here, I take my stand and say the stigma associated with virginity.  I am not against the culture or traditions. I am against the strict rules and so called forbidden things which can kill people and their future.

this is an entry for the Stayfree “Time to Change” contest! http://facebook.com/sftimetochange

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12 thoughts on “Virginity a priority?? A symbol of being ethical?

  1. I am sorry to hear about your friend’s demise. The thing is both would be partners should disclose their pasts before marriage. Otherwise one is bound to feel cheated. However I do not support he violence carried out by the asshole husband. He could have simply filed for a divorce. “Stigma” associated with virginity??? I do not agree with this sentence. It is not stigma, it is all about respecting boundaries, boundaries that are never meant to be crossed by both men as well as women. I had a girlfriend and I luckily married her. And we had sex only after our marriage. I hope you got my point. But still I really feel sorry for your friend.

    1. lucky that you married ur GF, which might not be in everybody’s case.. i wish ppl where more independent to do what they want with their bodies and never look at it as a crime.. finally its my right to explore and experiment with my body, why give importance to certain tissue..

  2. “Is virginity a term related to just women? Who will question the male virginity ?”

    A question, I am asking myself everyday, since I understood what been a virgin and been deflowered means.

    On my part, I always write post and tell my male friends about this whole thing. I am strictly against this hypocrite ideology of my own sex ‘dip the fork and move on’. I believe, if a man can make-out with as many women as he wants than why can’t a woman. Moreover it is not about making out. It is about making-out and moving on. If a man can move on with his adventurous ride then why can’t a woman.

    1. exactly.. this is what even i wanted to convey.. why all men are not thinking in this lines.. sad that people are not mature enough to understand such things..

  3. This is a very sensitive topic which has been nicely addressed here and yes a change at all levels is needed. In my opinion virginity should not be problem but I would advocate transparency. The sad part is that it is convenient choice for men as they can easily get away without being detected.

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