Murphy’s day.

Yes, today happens to be Murphy’s day in my life.

“Anything that can go wrong will go wrong”.

I got up in the morning. I saw my daughter had fever. She was reluctant to leave me. But my MIL, forcefully took her into her arms, not allowing me to feed her. I didn’t say anything but went to kitchen to do my tasks. I go for bath, still hear her cry from outside. I get ready and take my plate of idli, FIL asks me to console bunty and feed her milk. I keep my plate down, and take my daughter in arms. MIL rushes out of kitchen and asks me not to give her milk; it’s time for her have Idli.

I am out of words; I literally push the food inside my mouth. There is still time. So I decide o feed her feed her idli myself and take her to balcony and show her crow, dog and everything seen to divert her attention and make her eat. But she doesn’t open her mouth. She behaves cranky. It’s time for me leave to office but she has not eaten anything. I just show FIL the medicines to be given to her.

 I walked down to road. I generally stand near a building which is under construction for car pooling. I suddenly notice boy, who must be around 15-17 yrs, taking his shirt off the shorts and pulling is shorts down showing his vitals. He was erect and he was running towards me. I just escaped from the mad fellows hands. He tried to grab me. I just came running on the road. There was no one on the road. I managed to get inside a temple which was nearby. I did nothing but pray for my daughter and myself.

I come out, and I get call from my husband. I am all in tears telling him about my daughter’s health. He tries to console me. I later tell him the quarrel of last night with in-laws about changing the maid. After listening to everything, he just says that I can’t comment on anything as I don’t know what statements you gave or they gave and cuts the call. I start crying on road. I am unable to control. I see another girl running on road chased by that mad boy with his erect penis out. I just squeal and call people around and show them the boy. People chased him. My colleague comes to give me lift. I sit quiet without any word during the journey.

I thank god that, it was me and another lady who encountered the mad man and not a school kid who would not have known anything.  Hope my daughter get well by the time I get home and quarrel with in-laws gets right.

photo courtesy :http://www.shutterstock.com/pic-30481777/stock-photo-stressed-mom.html

 

The most beautiful thing

Mine was an arranged marriage. I just married him after breaking up with my love. I was too reluctant to get into the relationship. It is not like I was enforced into the marriage, but it just happened. The days went by, I started looking at him, staying and interacting. Days became months and months became years. We dint sense anything neither unusual nor exceptional. Until one day, when he had to leave me single-handedly. He had to go on an official trip, out of town.

I came back home from work. I didn’t find flowers on the counter. The lights were not switched on. I didn’t find the menu for the day written on the scribble board on kitchen door. All the doors seemed to be blocked and it was all murky. I felt very disquieting. I sat alone. I didn’t cook, nor take bath. I didn’t even switch on the TV.  The bareness and silence killed me. That is when I realized that I was missing him. I couldn’t be in the house without him. The invisible thread, LOVE was the one which bonded us.

How foolish was I, searching for a guy who would take on bike for ride, pubs, and disco’s. Hug me on roads and just romance everywhere.  Love was something which didn’t need a loud action, but a tender touch to miss the presence of someone. That is when I fell in love with my husband. No no no.. I was already in love with him, but took the moment chance to realize it. I waited all night for him to open the door.  I just hugged and cried after seeing him. he didn’t understand what happened? .

Love is such a beautiful thing; you know its presence in its absence.

Image courtesy: http://vc-love.deviantart.com/art/Missing-You-97168445

 

‘The Most Beautiful Thing‘.

On Tuesday the 24th of April, i am planning taking part in a Blogsplash to celebrate beautiful things, inspired by Fiona Robyn’s new novel, ‘The Most Beautiful Thing‘.

People all over the world will be blogging, tweeting & writing about their own most beautiful thing. You could also be one of them. Care to join?

You could post a photo or write a prose piece about your most beautiful thing. You could write a small stone or show us a piece of artwork you’ve made in honour of your most beautiful thing. It’s completely up to you. You could be extravagant and post a whole series of your most beautiful things, so says Fiona.

Writing Our Way Home are making a directory of everyone who’s taking part, and they will also re-post their favourite entries on their blog over the following month.

If you’d like to join her, email fiona@writingourwayhome.com for more details.

Family: Life Partner

Today happens to be my second anniversary, due to some official work, I am away from my husband. Certainly it’s painful. But when I look back now, I can recollect so many best moments we spent together.  We as in me, him, in-laws and baby.

I was not getting married to him alone, but I was getting married to his family. I was going to live in joint family came in as shock for me. I married a middle son, not first one nor the last one. As expected, boy’s parents tend to stay with the elder son or the youngest. But , it was not in my case. Explanation being, I am a working women, staying in a new city, so had to have someone’s support. To put it in other words: family support.  

We were returning back from our honeymoon. My mother called up to say, I got a new job. Pay was attractive with so many other benefits. I wanted to join. We reached my in-laws place.

We were sitting on water tank, just counting the stars. I was all excited about my new job.

Me: finally I got my dream job.

He: didn’t respond.

Me: are you not happy? I will be earning more; we can buy lots of things.

He: but you will be away from me.

 That didn’t strike me at all. Yes, I was married to him, but with 3 days getting so much of bonding was difficult for me. He was already feeling bad for me. I saw tears in his eyes. I felt guilty. Am I spoiling somebody’s life? .  There was something else bothering me. Yes, I thought it’s a polite excuse to get rid of joint family business.

 We came downstairs. We were discussing about the new location with in-laws, co-sister, brother-in-law and his cousins. They were planning, who would escort me first time, and who all would join later.

 Me: I have lived so many years away from home, I can manage everything. I will find a working women hostel and join in mess. Come home on all weekends. i.e travel 900kms every weekend.

 Him: yes, I know you can, but it was before. I can’t let you go and face everything alone. I want to ensure that you eat proper food, stay in neat place and share your joy and sorry with me and our family. I want you to stay at home. You were alone all these years. I want you to get all the love you missed all these years.

 That touched me. Tears rolled down my cheeks. I had the complete family shifting with me to the new city to take care of me. We are here, expect my husband and spent almost two years. No complaints, no regrets. I come to work, I don’t think of my baby’s activities. I know, she is been taken care of.  All this confidence is built up my family.

 That one line what my husband told changed my outlook on joint family. I am happy with so many people living with me and no complaints.

Courtesy photos: http://www.lesswaste.org.uk/index/reuse/reuse_tips.htm,http://grat-itude.blogspot.in/2010/08/gettin-outta-dodge.html,http://valeriegnow.blogspot.in/2010/06/counting-12322.html

This entry is a part of the contest at BlogAdda.com in association with imlee.com

Book review- The Chicken Soup for the Indian Couple’s Soul.

The book is a part “Chicken Soup for Soul” series which shares real stories of real people bringing hope, courage, inspiration and love to hundreds of millions of people around the world.

 

Main Authors: Rajyashree Dutt,Jack Canfield and Mark Victor Hansen,

Publication: Westland Publications.

Price: 295.00 INR.

Personal verdict: Good read

“Love. It makes the world go around.  Does it?  Really? Sometimes, as we grow older and look around us at what is happening in this world, we wonder. And we get cynical. I was no exception”

 The book is a compilation of 101 short stories by 71 contributors, written by couples about their genuine life experiences. This book goes through all the aspects and challenges of being in relation, love and family. It shares the experiences of people in love and to stand before a situation in love and emerge out as stronger human than before. It covers all the aspects of life.  A lot of people can relate to their real lives by this series of books. The essence of the each section is elaborated as one liner.

“Nobody is perfect, but in love people can be perfect for each other.”

 “The person sitting next to me was the husband I dreamt off.”: Made in heaven (19)

 It comprises of 19 well illustrated short stories and experiences. The book has depicted the Indian arranged marriages turning into love marriage, where, a duo finds love for each other in years and treasures each other’s presences. They realize that their partner is the one whom they had dreamt about all their life.

“All I knew was that I had the will to go through every pain, every embarrassment, overcome every fear, undergo every test. I could give the man, my husband, who so unconditionally loves me.”: The family (8), On love and support (13), A matter of perspective (9), In sickness and in health (11), Overcoming obstacles (12)

 All four sections were in resonance to each other. The author illustrates about the pain and sufferings, in form of childbirth, abortion, incurable disease etc. However, the support offered by the better halves was momentous, with all the ups and downs of life. They knew little about their partners then, and were like an open book now, till the situation demanded. The helping hand from their partners came in as an astonish which was not expected earlier.

 “A while back, all I wanted was to talk to him, ask him how he felt and soothe him, but all my questions melted away when I realized that my presence was enough for him.”:Coping with death (11)

It is where a death of a person brings the existing ones close or a new one in life.  At times, due to grief we tend to over look on things and miss on loved one’s. In fact, unsaid words and gestures like hugging and silence existence of partner soothes you.

 “I fell in love with the man who respected my choices and I am still in love with him”.:The fire never dies (18)

This section illustrates about the love which is carried by the aged ones with the same energy as youngster’s posses and as the basic understanding still proceeds. Also, where a section of people break up and meet after few years and realize the pressure of absence and find love together again. The underlying principle is maturity, helps to show that life can be whatever it want to be, and that other people have it worse off than you!

The editor has made sure that stories strike a balance between different eras. Few stories depict the olden times where women are expected to cook, do household core and not allowed to go out or express their views, some stories illustrated about modern times, where people think of live-in relationship and e-mail love, some were a typical bollywood film types with struggle, cry , melodrama and happy ending, whereas the moral issues were well addressed which is faced on daily basis.

What I love about the Chicken Soup for the Soul books are that you can pick it up and read a few quick stories and then set it down. It bring them with me when I am waiting at bus stop or while traveling. Language is simple and expressive. Easy to read, catchy and you get tuned to the book.  Even a non-bookie person can read it. Most of the stories are inspiring and expresses life-changing experience.

The stories become very similar; it’s just basically a hundred different variations of the same book. The book is kind of biased, as it is mainly written by women, so you get a perspective from one gender. It more or less has our own everyday life’s experience written with a positive outlook.  Somehow, it felt that the essence is there only when you read the book, after a day if you recollect, you don’t get the feel of it.  If you are a person who get motivated by books and follow it in life, then yes it is the book for you.

I am going with 2.5/5 for this book,” The Chicken Soup for the Indian Couple’s Soul”.  I would recommend this book to anybody who has read any of the other Chicken Soup books, or if you enjoy reading books written on love and inspiration.

This review is a part of the Book Reviews Program at BlogAdda.com. Participate now to get free books!

 

child sex abuse awareness: Survivor /Victim first person stories

Last year I wanted to participate in this child sex abuse awareness program, but somehow it was late then, or maybe I dint make up my mind and have guts to speak it out.

This year, I have a 9 months old daughter with me.  I don’t want anything unfortunate to happen to her, for that matter, to any child (male/female) hereafter.

Neither did my parents want such things to happen to me, but it did happen.

Survivor /Victim first person stories:

I was 4 years old. I was a person who always wanted to go out and play in sand. I lived in a secure township. We had a park located few blocks away from my house. Every day I with my other friends, who were little older than me go to park to play at 4 in the evening.  One day, a teenager boy must be 15 or 16 years old came to me. He said he will show me something interesting and also give me a chocolate. I didn’t know what a chocolate could cost me. He took me behind one of play equipments. He started to open up his pants and showed me his organs and he just opened mine and showed me the difference. A minute later a lady from behind shouted and he just ran away from there. I sat there in ignorance. The lady immediately took me home and from then I was not allowed to go to park alone.

Years later, when I was in my teenage, I was used to travel in shuttle buses from school to hospital or friends place or market place. People (men) used to fall on me, many a times I thought it was accidental and never raised my voice until someone intentionally lifted up my skirt to feel me. I just told my mom, only after going back home. If at all my mom had warned me before, I would have stood up against the fellow then and there.

Months later when I was at my grandparent’s house, heartbreaking incident happened. I and my cousin were born in the same month. Both of us grew up together. But, difference grew up with age. One fine day he said, he likes me.  I just gave it a laugh. But later on he started following me where I went. Once I saw him hiding under the bed, waiting for me to come out of bathroom after bath. Luckily I came out dressed. What if I had come out with just a towel?

From then on, I couldn’t trust him. For that matter, I took too many years to accept any men in my life. Falling in love and breaking up made it worse. Thank god, I found a right guy and married him. Or else I would have hated men community for my life time.

If you too want to contribute then, Here are the details:

A lot of you have been asking us how to take part in this, what are the rules etc. We want to keep it as open as we can. Any thoughts? Please share. However for the convience of everyone we have put together the ways you can contribute as well as some very broad guidelines…

If you would like to add to the discussion or know somebody else who would, please note that we welcome entries

• mailed to csa.awareness.april@gmail.com OR
• posted as FB notes and linked to Child Sexual Abuse Awareness Month Page OR
• posted on your own blog with the badge and linked to the main blog OR
• linked or posted on Twitter tagged twitter.com/CSAAwareness OR

The list of topics is available here. Anonymous contributions are accepted and requests for anonymity will of course be honoured.

Please remember to send in a mail with all necessary links or just your input to csa.awareness.april@gmail.com so that we can track your contribution and make sure that it is not inadvertently lost or something.

Some guidelines

1) Please precede the title of your post with CSAAM April 2011. Then add a hyphen and your title.

2) Please insert the badge html(above) in your post. If you carry it on your sidebar for the entire month of April too apart from just within your post, we would be honoured.

3) If you refer to sources for information kindly italicise that part of your post which is taken from the source and provide the link to the original source in a bracket.

And finally

4) Please do avoid any graphic descriptions of the abuse.  Stay as factual as possible if you’re doing first person accounts

Virginity a priority?? A symbol of being ethical?

“For women especially, virginity has become the easy answer- the morality quick fix. You can be vapid, stupid, and unethical, but so long as you’ve never had sex, you’re a “good” (i.e. “moral”) girl and therefore worthy of praise.”

― Jessica Valenti, The Purity Myth: How America’s Obsession with Virginity is Hurting Young Women  

 Belonging to an upper middle class section of the society, was in a complete new city for my higher studies , fell in love with a classmate , “my prince charming”,  and were intense in love and intimacy.

Destiny made us apart coz of reasons which were unworthy. I gave a pass to it.

 To move on in life, married a guy of my own community as per parent’s choice. As an elegant new Indian bride, draped on the sparkling red sari, stepped the bedroom on the wedding night, with all grace, expectations, aspirations, nervousness and leaving all the past behind considering this as destiny.  With all sanctity as a new bride, submitted myself to the man as my life partner. While we were intimate on the wedding night, it was found that I was not a virgin, was pushed hard on the floor, was in shock completely naked, and was not able to make out , it was happening to me. I was thrashed hard on the private parts and was groaning in pain. I squeezed myself to protect me from further whipping. He hauled my hair and was questioned “who was he”. I was still in the state of perplexity. He stabbed on my back by foot and yelled, “You are not a virgin”. He left the room straight away in the midnight.

 Next day morning, I promised to be loyal to him thereafter but no word was worthy enough to prove my genuineness. I was scared if people would listen to him. I felt dejected, what would my parents think of me? Did I misuse my parent’s confidence on me?

 Lateron, the man checked with my friends, including my boss and even enquired about my character and even insulted them by asking whether I had slept with them.  He tried to encash my non-virginity with my parents for heavy dowry.

 What do I change?

Do I change my past and marry my boy friend as lost my virginity to him?

Do I change my husband and his thoughts about virginity?

Do I change myself? Is it a crime not being a virgin?

Is virginity the culprit here or my boy friend or my husband?

Should I change the ignorance of the men and society on virginity?

What if I had not confessed about my past?

What if I had lost my virginity by force and not by choice?

Is virginity a term related to just women?  Who will question the male virginity ?

Finally, Whether GOD be blamed for creating women and men with this difference?

 Here, I take my stand and say the stigma associated with virginity.  I am not against the culture or traditions. I am against the strict rules and so called forbidden things which can kill people and their future.

this is an entry for the Stayfree “Time to Change” contest! http://facebook.com/sftimetochange

why I wear Mangasutra

I have seen so many people making a “style statement” saying I don’t wear Mangalsutra. I don’t know why? What is harm in wearing it?. I am not against people not wearing it( repeating it). It’s their comfort and preference; I just hate people who say it to show off. I know people who remove it during night, as it pricks them or during bath or while traveling. But they don’t advertise it. It’s purely functional. Even there are few people who say that, they don’t like wearing it. I don’t hate them also. I hate the once who wear it, but just remove it to show off that they are trendy.

Finally there came a day when I had to justify to one of those ladies why I wear Mangalsutra. Don’t you think it’s weird? Yes, but such things do happen.

So here is the reply what I gave her in points, like how we write in exams.

• I wear it because I want to look married and acknowledged.
• I feel secure when I am alone.
• It has become a part of me like an organ, so I don’t have problem wearing it all the time J
• I feel it’s an accessory and collection in my jewels.
• Its play thing for my daughter when I breastfeed her.
• It’s a store place to hang my house keys and safety pins.
• It’s a symbol of love for me with lots of good memories related to my marriage.
• I feel there is power to things which are done with blessing of god, people and Agni.
• I treasure as it is the first gift my in-laws have given me in gold.
• I am thinking of the tenth point and I am not getting it. so, I end up saying I like wearing it.. J

Struck with her..

I don’t know if it happens to all? To me if I concentrate or like something, I am with it always. I breathe that particular thing. Let it be finishing a drawing for a building or reading a book or eating mangoes. People get bored after sometime, but I take a little longer time to come out of it.

Recently I realized that, I have developed a craze for eating papaya and parathas. I can’t stop myself from eating it, if I see it.  It’s not eating but also talking about it. now the addiction is on my baby girl. Everybody I meet in the office, I don’t remember whether I greet them or not, but I tell my Barbie tales. I start my day with her updates, what she did yesterday. May be people will get bored of it, but I can’t stop it. At times, I get confused and tell the same story to a person twice.

Today morning, I called my dad from office and told him that Barbie ate raw beetroot yesterday and looked like hanuman with all red colour around her mouth. Then, I called my husband and told him the same. By then few people around me already heard it. One by one my other colleagues started entering the room. What I did I do?? Again the same story. My friend came to my seat; I didn’t notice him sitting behind during the phone conversation. When I just started, he himself completed the story. I felt little embarrassed. I just blushed because of stupidity.

My Barbie’s antics are great records for me. Not for others right.

I was just wondering if it happens to all. Is it only me so hyper and talking about Barbie. She has become my world and I don’t think I can come out of it at any point of time.

Savings!!!

I am behind my husband asking him to invest money in gold or some saving account. “We were two a year back, now we need to take care of our baby na “, is my slogan every day. There are nice gold saving schemes launched in market, I want to join one and buy gold for me in name of my daughter. At least in the name of tax saving, I want to put a lump sum amount in my PPF account.

Yesterday, my husband was feeling bored. He is in Chennai. I asked him to go for a movie instead of sitting at home. He is very lazy. He said,” see, if I go for a movie, I have spend money for ticket. Then, during the interval I have to re-fill myself. I have spend for auto fare and if ask someone to accompany me, I need to sponsor them. So, its better I stay at home. I nearly save 700-1000 rupees.”. wow, what a way to save money na..

End conclusion: incase, u pester your husband for gold or saving schemes, this would be the get back. Men find out different ways to save money. If it had been a tender to buy a car or bike, reply would be really different.